When RAW Attacks
by MyStErIo-LoVeR
Summary: FINAL CHAP. UP! Raw attempts to take over Smackdown & if Raw wins WrestleMania 20, the rosters recombine. Contains Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio & everyone else. Involves Skittles, Doritos, etc. Current rating for language & activities.
1. Driving Driving Driving

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey all, this is my first fanfic ever. There's lots of wrestlers included in this story, pretty much both rosters. The main ones are probably going to be Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, my friends Kaley & Layce, and myself, Jade. And the WWE owns who they own, I own myself and Kaley owns herself. Jeff Hardy does too. I know I wrote it after he left, but we can still pretend ^_^ -Jade  
  
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::Riiinnnnng:: ::Rrriiiiiiiiinnnng::  
  
Jeff Hardy looked at the clock. "Damn! It's 5 am!"  
  
"Hello? Who's speaking??"  
  
"Hey Jeff, this is your boss. I had a stroke of genius last night...about midnight and thought you would want hear about it."  
  
"Oh, it's you Bit- I mean Bischoff. What exactly is your 'brilliant idea?' What does it have to do with me?" Jeff questioned groggily, slipping back into bed, carefully avoiding moving the blankets too much lest Kaley wake up. i More to the point, do I want to know what this 'idea' is?/i He thought to himself.  
  
"You'll absolutely love it. You see... you pick up a van, and all of the RAW superstars. Then you drive them all to Madison…when you get there...." He whispered secretively, even though they were already on a phone.  
  
*~* Later... *~*  
  
"Hey Rey Rey, have you been briefed about your match yet?" Jade, Rey Mysterio's behind-the-scenes manager, asked.  
  
"Si, Stephanie dicho el es el ir a ser una noche facil. Match against John Cena.. Mr. Rap dude..but at least I'm wrestling, man. I told Steph I wanted to start doing some promos…it's what the people want!"  
  
"Sounds cool, good luck!" Jade said before leaving her masked wonder, tightening on his mask in preparation for his match. Oooh...it was a holographic one, with the outline of the birds on the mask colored purple and it had a silvery fill.  
  
"Yeah, adios muchacha!" Rey shouted after her, then started stretching out.  
  
*~* Meanwhile... *~*  
  
"Jeff, are you sure this is what Bitchoff said to do? The company could totally be trashed after this.. I can't believe it!! What's going to happen when Vince finds out? He's gunna kill us!" Kaley said, trying to see him over the driver's seat; so what if she was short. He was driving a huge van full of RAW superstars, towards the Alliant Energy Center in Madison, Wisconsin. That was where tonight's Smackdown was to take place.  
  
He continued driving. They had just left Milwaukee, where their show had been the previous night. He could NOT believe he was doing this. Why the hell was he going along with this and why wasn't Bitchoff in charge of this, instead of him?  
  
"Who the hell knows what Bitchoff is thinking. Vince is gunna be so gawd- damned pissed off when he sees us there in Madison, though."  
  
"Dude, this is so not cool.." RVD mumbled from the far back of the van.. well, you could call it a bus. He was seated next to Test for some odd reason and he was half falling asleep while talking to Layce.  
  
"The Rock would like to know why he is cooped up in this revolting bus full of jabronis! The People's Champ should be on a plane to Hollywood, not stuck next to Spinarama, here!"  
  
"Tell me you did not just say that!" Booker then stepped into the aisle and attempted the spinaroonie, but fell over onto the Hurricane.  
  
"Whatsup wit' dat?!" Hurricane shrieked.  
  
"Jeff Hardy..." Kane growled menacingly, "What *growl* are we doing on this bus? You had better explain right now, you little rainbow dork!"  
  
"Well gez! I don't really know WHY Bischoff is making us do this…but he seems to have this crazy idea…invade Smackdown tonight." He said, quickly munching on Skittles he had just stolen from the self-proclaimed king of the world.  
  
"I'm sorry Citizen Jeff, but I refuse! Bischoff is a biaaaaaaatch, of that we can be certain. I am against crime, and invading a show like that is a criminal act!" The Hurricane said, then tries to fly off. He is unsuccessful and meets the wall of the bus, falling onto The Rock's lap.  
  
"Get off The Rock, you sick freeeeeeeeeeak!" Rocky said, then threw him onto the aisle.  
  
"Ooohh! Jeffy, that sounds like so much fun! But what will us divas do? Go after Torrie and the rest of the Smackdown sluts?" Trish asks innocently.  
  
"Well…actually I am not sure what we do once we are there. He just said to invade…he didn't really feel the need to tell me how we're actually supposed to do once we get there."  
  
Just then, Jeff's call phone rang. Kaley, who is holding it, sees that it is Bischoff calling and instead of answering it, dances around with it then spins around and it flew out the window.  
  
"Kaley?! What just happened to my phone?" Jeff yelled, throwing a Skittle at her.  
  
"It kind of...went on a trip of it's own." She said, smirking, "How can you throw a Skittle at me, Jeffery Nero Hardy! You little Skittle abuser!" She said mockingly, then hit him over the head with some stuffing she ripped of the seat she was sitting on.  
  
"Ahh! Gross! Anywayz, who else has a cell phone? We have to find out from Bischoff what to do next! Kaley, did you happen to notice Bischoff's number before it went flying to the cows?" Jeff stated as he pulled into the hotel parking lot across the street from the Alliant Energy Center.  
  
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First fanfic ever, what do you think so far? Please Review, let me know what you think. Don't totally trash it if it sucks.. 


	2. Skittles and Doritos!

AUTHORS NOTE: Hey, second chapter! Sorry they're all so short, but I got to space them out! I still don't own Rey Rey, or any other superstars. Jeff still owns himself and so do Kaley and I. Skittles and Doritos are owned by their people and so on and so forth. Wait, you DIDN'T see Skittles OR Doritos in the last sentence! Oh well, Read on!  
  
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::Riiinng::  
  
Stephanie picked up the phone. "Hello? Oh, its just you Bischoff.. What do you want??"  
  
"Hey there, Steph. I just wanted to let you know that I've got a special surprise for you tonight and I just know you're going to love it!"  
  
"Oh god, what the hell is it now?" She demanded.  
  
"I'm not at liberty to say right now." CRASH! "Ouch, sorry about that Stephie. I kind of.. Fell over. Anyway, like I was saying, you'll just have to wait and see!"  
  
"Oh great," She said sighing.  
  
~*~ Meanwhile ~*~  
  
"Ooh! And he delivers the frogsplash, followed by the pin!" Cole yelled into the headset as Eddie Guerrero hooked the leg of Charlie Haas.  
  
Eddie leaves the ring in the heat of his victory, smiling and happily spouting random things in Spanish. Haas hobbled past, then the lights dimmed.  
  
"Who's dat jumpin' out the sky?" Rey Mysterio's theme played loud and clear through the crowd's cheers and screams of excitement. He popped out of the stage and races to the ring. His manager, Jade, is already waiting at ringside.  
  
Just then, John Cena's music started playing and he entered. He started with his usual, "Yo, yo, yo! Kill the beat-"  
  
Cutting into his ditty before he could continue, Rey grabbed the microphone. "Dude, just get in the ring and start the match-"   
  
But before he could finish, Cena had started running for the ring and dived in. Instead of gliding just between the mat and the bottom rope, he had dived right into the edge of the ring. He bounced off and Rey jumped out just as the whole thing collapsed. One of the ropes snapped up in the air and narrowly missed Jade's head.   
  
"Holy fucking gawd!" She shrieked, diving out of the way (you'd think these people would learn after all this diving).  
  
"Holy shit Cole, did I just see what I think I saw? Mr. Vanilla Ice just rammed his head into the ring!" Tazz yelled.  
Backstage, you could hear the screech Stephanie let out as she realized what had happened.   
  
"Cut the damn tape! Where in God's name is security? Get the fucking stage crew out there and set the ring back up! Get some EMTs out there to check on Cena!" She was yelling over and over again.  
  
Soon they had the ring back up and the ropes secure. The match would have started, but Cena was definitely injured. He was taken to the U.W. Hospital where he was admitted and placed under the care of some surgeon named Mary Mayville and her evil assistant, Kimberly Paul.   
  
Back at the Coliseum, Rey was pacing backstage waiting to see who would be his replacement opponent. Jade was wandering around somewhere too.. Kind of like she always does. But that's beside the point. Rey got his cue and waited to be shot out of the stage yet again. In the ring was none other than Matt Hardy, Version 1. Rey sighed to himself as he prepared to spring into the air, hoping that this wouldn't turn into another messed up disaster.   
  
The bell rang and the match began. Rey started with the upper hand, Jade tripping Matt several times and nailing him over the head with a steel chair she happened to find under the ring, just to help Rey Rey out a tad. All of a sudden a cry rent the air.  
  
"SKITTLES!! Skittles for everyone!" Yelled Jeff Hardy as he ran through the crowd with a wheelbarrow full of skittles; throwing them to everyone he passed by. On the other side of the arena, Kaley was seen spreading the wealth as well.  
  
"Holy shit?! Aren't they on RAW? What the fuck is going on?" Demanded Matt. "Why is Jeff here? Steph," he whined, "Why didn't you tell me Jeff was coming? I wanted to have a party for him!"  
  
From the back, you could hear Stephanie once again, "Shut up Matt, I didn't know they were coming! Get the damn security out there again!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!! EVERYONE MUST HAVE SKITTLES!!!" Kaley and Jeff shouted simultaneously, running around with maniacal looks on their faces.  
  
"NO, Skittles must DIE!" Rey shouted, "Doritos are the best damn food on earth!" So saying, he grabbed several bags from under the announcer's table.  
  
"What the hell are Doritos doing under there?" asked Cole.  
  
"Well I guess they're doing whatever the hell they want to, now, aren't they?" Tazz said as he watched Rey Rey dance with the Doritos in the ring. He squealed in delight and threw a bag at Jade, who tore them open and started throwing them to everyone much the same way as Jeff was tossing about his Skittles. "God damn, this show's gone to hell," he mumbled under his breath.  
  
Suddenly Stephanie appeared at the top of the ramp. "God damn you all, what the hell do you think you're doing? Give me those damn Doritos," she said grabbing them from Rey and Jade, "Security, haven't you caught those two yet?" She asked, watching as Jeff and Kaley continued to run around like freaks, trying to elude the security personnel. "Get this match going again! God damn!" She concluded, finally heading backstage once more.  
  
So the ref came back out from under the ring, where he had thought he would be safest during the short riot, and the match began once more. Matt had a bit of advantage, because Rey was still concentrating on his beloved Doritos, but in the end it was Rey who came out on top. Jade entered the ring and they were circling each other.. Ooh.. And they closed in...  
  
The screens over the ramp came on to show mass destruction in the backstage area.  
  
"What the hell?" Jade screamed aloud, as Rey covered his ears, startled by the loud shout.  
  
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Please Read and Review! Let me know what you think should happen, etc. I'm just getting started! ;) 


	3. The Plans begin to form

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Disclaimer is the same as the first two chapters. All of the people own who they own, and themselves, and what not. I only own myself and the idea for this (my bro is a crazy tard and sometimes gives useful suggestions..the wheelbarrow thing was something that came about when we were talking at dinner the other night..one of his only useful contributions, lol :P Cody). My friends own themselves and anyone I know personally who I chose (or they asked) to be included in this story is owned by his/her self.  
  
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*~* At the hotel across the street *~*  
  
Jericho is pacing back and forth in the hotel pool area. All of the other RAW superstars are gathered there as well, waiting for the time when they cross the road, mob-style. Since hearing what their newest assignment was, and reaching the hotel, Jeff Hardy, Kaley and The Hurricane had all disappeared. Supposedly Jeff and Kaley were setting up the first stage of 'Target: Smackdown' and who the hell knew where Shane Helms had gone off to.  
  
Also pacing is HHH and Ric Flair is following close behind. Neither of the three are watching where they are going. Jericho and HHH were going opposite ways, and in the middle they clashed.   
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMNN *blub* YOUUU!!! Help! *dunk* I can't *dunk* swwwwwwiim!!!!" Nature Boy screamed, as he ironically flew into the water after tripping over HHH and Jericho on the floor, considering the fact that you would think anyone having a name containing 'nature' would at least know how to swim.  
  
"Leave him in there, we need some entertainment," said Jericho, dusting himself off and continuing to pace.  
  
"Nah, Bitchy would kill us if we didn't haul his ass outta there." Christian and Test said simultaneously, each grabbing an arm of Flair. He was still claiming to be drowning, although the depth in the area of the pool he was in was a mere three feet.  
  
The door opens, somehow, and Bit- oops, I mean Bischoff- walks into the room. Now, this was one of those little key-card-access-only pool rooms, so we knew he must have gotten the key card from someone. He might have found the Hurricane and bought it off of him or something.  
  
No one pays any attention to him so he coughs to get their attention. Instead of just a small, short cough, he starts choking and hacking. He falls on the floor where everyone stares at him for about five minutes, laughing their asses off, until Bubba Ray Dudley goes over and smacks him on the back and dunks his head in the water.  
  
"The Rock says you better hurry up and say what you came here to say. You are wasting The Rock's time!"  
  
"Dude, hurry up, or I'm gunna go back to my room with Layce." RVD states, smiling at Layce then glaring at Bischoff.  
  
"You leave and you're FIRED! Teehee! I love firing people! It just makes my day!" Eric said, finally regaining control of his respiratory system. "Have you heard or seen what Jeff and Kaley have been doing? They weren't exactly supposed to... run around with Skittles," he said miserably, "but they did, and that was the attention-getter that I was looking for. You should have heard Stephanie after that! Teehee! I love pissing a lot of people off at the same time." He looked around grinning.  
  
"Err... dude, chill out. You're totally freaking me out. What are you talking about? Skittles?" RVD ventured to ask. They had all been in this stupid pool area since they got there, so how the hell did Eric think they had heard anything?  
  
"Oh, there were Doritos involved, too... But thats enough of what has happened. Now on to what is going to happen now!" Bitchy said, grinning evilly and laughing like a maniac.  
  
"Get on with it!" Kane growled as usual. Everyone nods in agreement.  
  
"Ok, here's the plan. Once Steph's security catches up with Kaley and Jeff, and kicks them out of the Coliseum, Jeff is going to call us and let us now. That should be happening any time now. So anyway, once he does that, we all sneak over there. You can all do whatever you want over there, as long as it includes attacking a Smackdown! superstar, even if it is a friend from the past, a family member, or the Divas. I want to make sure Stephanie gets extremely-"   
  
CRASH!!!!! "God damn you! Can't I do anything without being interrupted?!" Eric shouted at Jericho who had fallen out of his chair and into the pool.  
  
"Hey you stupid ass clown! Get me out of here! *blub* God! *blub* SO much disrespect for the king of the *blub* world! Damn you Christian." Jericho said before falling back into the pool.  
  
"Now I think we should leave HIM in there." Booker T spoke up.  
  
Christian looked around sheepishly, but almost bursts out laughing.  
  
*cough* "ANYWAY, I want to make Steph really mad. After we beat up her little superstars, I'll go out there and challenge the whole of Smackdown to a match at Wrestlemania XX next week. If RAW wins, the rosters will re-group. If Smackdown happens to *cackles evilly* WIN the match, the rosters will remain split, but there will be a re-drafting of both brands. So some of you might still be on RAW, and some might move to Smackdown, and vice-versa! MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" He finished. Everyone stared at each other in silence. They had a chance to escape hell!  
  
Suddenly the door burst open again. In stepped Stone Cold.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here, Austin?" Bitch-face asked.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"What are you doing here?!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Oh alright. You're not fun anymore, Bitchy!" Austin said, "Since I'm the new part-owner, I demand to know what the hell is going on here!"  
  
Suddenly Bischoff's clothes tranformed into his silly kung-fu outfit. "Wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Owaaaaaaaaaa!!! Huiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! *fake chop* *fake chop* Hwwwwwaaaaaaa-"  
  
"Shut up Bitchy," the group said collectively.  
  
Trish growled at him, but Ivory held her back.  
  
Austin Stunner-ed Eric into the pool, and just as he slipped below the surface of the water, his cell phone went off, and he shot out of the water.   
  
"YAY!!!!!! It's the phone! I'll answer it and see who it is!" he screamed, then pushed the button. The water-logged cell phone would not turn on, so he would occasionally press the button, put the phone to his head, "Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me now? DAMN!" Finally the stupid phone turned on.  
  
"Hey Bischoff, what the hell is wrong with your phone? Anyway, we just got our asses thrown out of the place, so you can come now. But there's something you should know first-" and the phone cut Jeff off.  
  
"DAMN IT TO HELL!" Bischoff yelled.  
  
"Ow!" Was the collective response, "Dude, you know we are in a freaking pool area, shut the fuck up or we'll dunk you again! God damn, this places echoes." Layce stood up as she said this, then sat back down next to RVD on a pool chair. She was actually quite cozy.  
  
"Whatever. Anyway, it's time to go!" Bischoff said, then went for the door.  
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There's the third chapter. I'm not sure if it's as entertaining as the previous chapters, but I tried. I hope you enjoyed, please Review! Thanks much! Hey, look, it's also a humongous chapter compared to the previous two! Yeah, I went wild with this one! Lol. Hope to update it again soon! 


	4. Invasion Gone Wrong

AUTHORS NOTE: Everything owned by what/who owns them, etc. Please review! Give me ideas! Anything you want! Hehe, enjoy this chapter ^_^  
  
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Stephanie walked through the backstage area, pleased with the efficiency of her backstage clean-up crew. They had just cleaned up the huge mess that was backstage after it suddenly came under attack for reasons unknown. There had been broken chairs and lamps among other odd items strewn about the floors. No one was injured but everything was basically trashed. By the time she had gotten back there, the assailants had disappeared, hopefully for good.  
  
"Come on guys, time to get ready for the battle royal! I don't want ANY of the screw-ups like earlier tonight. I swear, I'm going to start firing some people soon." She said, rousing all of the Smackdown! superstars from their seats in the coffee room.  
  
~*~  
  
"The 20 man-over-the-top-rope-battle-royal is a last-man-standing match, meaning the last Superstar in the ring is the winner. To be eliminated, you must be thrown over the top rope and both feet must touch the floor. This match is for the number one contenders spot for the WWE Championship. The Superstar who wins this specialty match will face the current champion, Kurt Angle, at Wrestlemania XX this sunday." Tazz said, as one-by-one, Rey Mysterio, Chris Benoit, The Rhyno, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Eddie & Chavo Guerrero, Matt Hardy, Shannon Moore, Crash, Tajiri, Funaki, Brock Lesnar, A-Train, Big Show, Jamie Noble, John Cena, Brian Kendrick, Undertaker, and Nathan Jones entered the ring.   
  
In his entrance, Big Show tripped over A-Train, who was for some reason still outside of the ring. He nailed his head on the steel post, then yelled at A-Train until he helped him up and into the ring.  
  
The bell rang and soon Rey Mysterio was flying all over the ring as usual, picking his way carefully around the larger men; they could wait until later. Tajiri flipped Jamie Noble out of the ring.  
  
"Elmination number one!" Michael Cole said.  
  
~*~ Meanwhile ~*~  
  
"What in the hell was that?" Bischoff screamed at the RAW superstars.  
  
"Umm..well, it was an attack..sort of... Hey man, I only busted up that chair 'cause I thought it was Rey Mysterio or something! God, look at Kane! He chokeslammed a goddamned floor lamp because he thought it was Brian Kendrick." RVD said, trying to explain the 'slight' mishap.  
  
A growl is heard from the direction in which Kane is standing.  
  
"I don't care what you thought was what! How can you mess up that bad? Nup, no, don't say anything. Just... No! Shut up. I know! Aha! We'll try this again!" he said, then immediately ran inside to find a monitor to watch and see what would be the perfect time to try invading once again, leaving the superstars staring after him in increduality.  
  
"Dude, that dude has got issues! We really pulled that off, but do you think that we can do it again? Girls?" Jeff said, speaking of the way himself and the other RAW superstars had purposely messed up. He and Kaley had rejoined the rest of the superstars shortly before the first 'invasion.' Kaley took out an economy-sized bag of Skittles amd started running with them. She reached a tree that was situated far from any other dwelling and soon Jeff had caught up with her.  
  
"Ooh. Skittle sex. In a tree. Should be interesting." Trish said enviously.  
  
"Mwahahahahahahahaha!! Mwahahahahahahaha! Free! Be free, my little pretties! Ehehehe! Spiders!" Victoria said, coming up behind Trish and dumping a big-ass box of them on her head.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WHAT?! NOOOOOO!! Spiders!!!! Ewww!!!!!!" Trish said before running off screaming, while attempting to free herself of the little devils. Off in the distance: "These aren't poisonous, are they?!" Trish screamed, continuing to run. She then ran smack into a tree... The one that Kaley and Jeff happened to be occupying at the moment.  
  
*Thud* "AHHHHHH!!! NO!!! EW!!!!!!!! When I said it would be interesting, I didn't mean I actually wanted to know!!! AHHHHHHH!!!" Trish screamed as Jeff and Kaley fell onto her, without any clothing. She screamed louder and ran away even farther.  
  
"Err... I think she might be scarred for life." Jericho stated.  
  
"What?!" Stone Cold screamed in his ear, startling Jericho and causing him to fall off of his perch on the edge of a bench.  
  
"OW!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"No-"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Stop-"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Shut-the-hell-up!" Jericho finally screamed.  
  
Just then, Bitchy came running back from indoors. From the ruckus he was creating, it was a fucking miracle that he hadn't been spotted by Stephanie or any of her people.  
  
"Mwahahahahaha! Now is the time! There is a 20-man-battle-royal going on right now! The perfect match to interfere with! Teeheehee! I can't-"  
  
At that moment, Bubba Ray Dudley put his ass through a picnic table just to shut him up.  
  
"There." Bubba said, satisfied (but not stratusfied?).  
  
"Why did you do that, man? Now we're screwed, 'cause I don't know what we're exactly supposed to do!" Jeff said.  
  
"Believe dat, playa!" Teddy Long shouted in his ear.  
  
"Ow! Damnit!" Jeff yelled.  
  
"Tell me I did NOT just hear that!" Booker T said then did a spinaroonie on another nearby picnic table. Bubba Ray almost powerbombed him through that, but Kane held him back.  
  
Bubba started to explain to Jeff why he had put Bitchy through a table, but Kaley cut him off.   
  
"Yeah, I know we needed to shut him up. Oh well, he's out cold," she said testing Bitchy by poking him in the head several times with a stick she ripped off of a tree, "Let's just wing it. What is the worst that could happen?" Kaley said consolingly, as she swung open one of the double doors on the outside of the Alliant Energy Center.  
  
"Here we go!"  
  
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There's the latest chapter from the mind of Jade..and with some help from Kaley (sort of) lol. Heh. Got a bunch of ideas when I took a break at a waterpark/ resort up north, so, look for them soon :D REVIEW THIS STORY or I'll send......Skittle warriors after you!! Teehee! 


	5. Bacon Obsession, Fires, and Meow Mix

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Everyone still owns whom they own and what they own, etc. I think I'll stop putting this here every chapter… You start to know it by heart after a while, lol. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Look how many reviews I have gotten! Barely any! Please review. Right now it seems like only about 3 people have read this story and that's not cool… So, please review and let me know what you think.  
  
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"Elimination two!" Tazz shouted as Rey Mysterio threw Crash over the top rope after nailing him with a springboard moonsault. "This is great!" Cole shouted.  
  
~*~  
  
Backstage the RAW superstars trooped past a startled Kurt Angle; who, upon seeing the men & women of RAW (and in some cases *cough* Jazz *cough* humans without a definite gender) go past, had choked on the glass of milk he had been chugging, and fell on the ground in convulsions.  
  
"Too bad for Mr. Champion." Triple H said, stepping over his body.  
  
"Here we go guys. And girls." Jeff said, quickly adding the last part after Kaley kicked him in the shin.  
  
~*~  
  
Matt Hardy hit the Twist of Fate on Shannon Moore.  
  
"Hey!" Shannon shouted, "I thought I was your number one M-F'er!" he whined as he flew over the top rope.  
  
"They don't call that move the Twist of Fate for nothing, man!" Matt shouted as Shannon hit the floor.  
  
All of a sudden, the lights went out and the back you could hear Stephanie scream once more.  
  
Over the PA system, RAW's theme music started blaring.  
  
"Holy shit, esse!" Chavo yelled to Eddie.  
  
At first no one could see anything, but some of the lights managed to flicker back on, just in time to see every single RAW superstar running down the ramp, minus the Divas. I wonder where they could be?  
  
~*~  
  
In the woman's locker room, Nidia and Torrie were having a nice (is that possible? Wait, don't answer that) conversation about places to have sex. Then the door burst open and Jazz stood in the doorway.  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Holy shit! It's a caveman! Save us!!! Oh my fucking god!" Dawn Marie screamed in absolute horror. Behind Jazz, a blonde head could be seen bouncing up and down, trying to see over Jazz's shoulder.  
  
"Damn it Jazz, go through the fucking doorway!" Trish and Kaley said simultaneously who were by now both trying to force there way past Jazz. Finally Trish got pissed and kicked Jazz in the back of the head.  
  
"Tiiiiiiiiimmmmmberrrrrrrrrr!" Someone shouted from the back and they all started laughing.  
  
"We're supposed to be beating the shit out of ya'll, but I thought this would be a better chance for a major sleepover!" Kaley explained excitedly.  
  
"That sounds cool." Alisha, a tall, blonde girl said, coming out of the back of the room.  
  
"Yeah! We can tell stories and share secrets and watch the men beat the shit out of each other! Yay!" Nidia shouted.  
  
"Don't get too excited, whore!" Trish said, and then added thoughtfully, "Do you think we should invite Stephanie to join us?"  
  
"No, she'd probably go into goddamned hysterics." Ivory said.  
  
~*~  
  
"Oh My God, Tazz! What is going on?" Cole shouted into the headset, watching as HBK beat up on Chris Benoit, Kevin Nash and Undertaker battled, and HHH & Ric Flair double-teamed Big Show. In the corner, Rey Mysterio was holding his own against RVD.   
  
Kane was running around trying to set things on fire. Occasionally he succeeded, but the Hurricane, who had miraculously appeared out of nowhere, was running around behind him spraying things with water so the building did not burn down.   
  
The Rhyno was busy dishing out a Gore to any RAW superstar who stepped in his path. The first of his victims was Christian, who immediately started moaning about how Goldberg had speared him so many times, and now the Rhyno had nailed him.  
  
Jericho somehow got a microphone and began talking trash to the audience. "Hello, all of you little monkeys out there watching this, the is THE King of the World. RAW is taking over and you can't stop us! We are going to de-"  
  
But before Jericho could finish his little rant about how he was the best, etc., a Gore knocked him breathless. After Rhyno was through with him, Matt Hardy came up from behind, picked him up, and gave him a Twist of Fate.  
  
Rey Rey had fended off RVD and was now teamed with Brian Kendrick. They were beating the crap out of Test. Kendrick knocked him down and Rey Rey went for a 619 in the midst of everyone battling in the ring.   
  
RVD gave a five-star frogsplash to Eddie Guerrero, and then gave him a little talk when he got up.   
  
"That's how the real frog splash is done, and don't you forget it! Isn't it cool? Of course it is! Everything's cool when you're Rob Van Dam." He said, doing the little thumb thingy.  
  
At that point in time, Brock Lesnar ran past screaming something about Bacon Bits. Goldberg, who had just nailed him with the chair on the back of the head, just shook his head and looked terrified as Brock continued to run around.  
  
"Bacon! I want bacon! *Bark* Bacon, Bacon, Bacon!" Brock said, starting to do some odd doggy dance on his knees.   
  
"DUDE! That is SO not cool. Why are you on the ground like that?" RVD said, walking up to him with a steel chair behind his back. All he got in response from Brocky was a couple of yips and barks, so he hit him over the head with the chair.  
  
"Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, mix!" Brock started shouting at the top of his lungs and then began purring.  
  
"Oh my god Cole, the world's gone to hell!" Tazz screamed in fright as Brock started crawling around on the announcer's table.  
  
"Mew, Mew!" Brock said in response, then started clawing Cole's arm.  
  
Goldberg came from behind and nailed Brock Lesnar yet again.  
  
"Why the hell did you just hit me? And who do you think you are?" Brock said in a voice that resembled that of a woman's, and actually sounded a bit like Stephanie's.  
  
"Hi, man, how are you doing?" Goldberg said, attempting to shake Brock's hand.  
  
"What? I'm not a man. That is an insult! I'm Stephanie McMahon and you better back off!" Brock said.  
  
"Oh god," Cole whispered to Goldberg, "You better hit him again." By this time, Lesnar had a huge welt on the back of the head, but that didn't daunt him.  
  
WHAM! RVD and Goldberg nailed him over the head at the same time and Brock keeled over.  
  
"Uh… Did we kill him?" Goldberg asked.  
  
"No, dude, he's still breathing. Let's drag him to Stephanie's office and maybe he'll wake up soon!" Rob said.  
  
"Good idea." Goldberg responded, nodding and picking up Brock's ankles.  
  
~~~ Meanwhile, in the ring… ~~~  
  
Rey was in the corner being attacked by Goldust, when out of the blue, Jade, who had somehow escaped the sleepover, nailed Goldy over the head with a kendo stick that she had stolen from Tommy Dreamer. Rey threw him out of the ring and turned to Jade. They became a team immediately and went after Jeff Hardy. Before they could get beyond a couple punches, Kaley flew out of the air with a lead pipe and knocked Jade out. She had apparently escaped the slut-fest, as well.   
  
"Sorry you had to go like that." Kaley said, sighing and plunking some skittles into her mouth.  
  
Rey wasn't about to give up on her that easily, not after what she had done to Jadey! She ran away, back to the women's locker room and Rey started after her, but Jeff stepped in front of him.  
  
"Lo siento, Rey. I can't let you go. You know you don't really wanna beat her up. Look, Jade's coming out of it already!" Jeff said, trying to convince Rey to leave Kaley and himself alone.  
  
"You're right, I don't want to beat up una chica…" Rey said, lunging at Jeff.  
  
They fought each other for quite some time, until Jade woke up completely. She started going backstage alone, but Rey saw her and followed her, helping her into his own locker room.  
  
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Wow! Look at that! I'm surprised at how long that got, lol. Usually it is super short and now look, it's about 400 words longer! Woohoo! Hope you enjoyed it, please check back soon for new chapters! Lease REVIEW! Thank ya very, very much! 


	6. Voodoo and the Announcement

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The story continues! Hope you enjoy this chapter. Should be interesting.  
  
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~*~ Women's Locker Room ~*~  
  
An unearthly noise is heard from the corner where Jazz had been banished by the other divas.  
  
"What is that horrid noise?" Trish asked.  
  
"She singin' da blues, playa!" Teddy Long said outside the door. Ivory went out the door and chased him away. He began to take off his shoes but discovered it would not come off. SOMEONE had placed cement in his shoes… Hmmm…  
  
"Shut-up Jazz! That is really bad singing. Please don't quit your day job." Lita said.  
  
"Yeah, I'm gunna come over there and beat the shit out of you if you don't shut it!" Nidia said.  
  
"Like you could do anything to me, you idiot!" Jazz growled from her corner.  
  
From another corner, some mumbling could be heard.  
  
"Playing with dolls, are we, Victoria?" Trish asked the form sitting in her corner.  
  
"Mwahahahaha! Torrie will be cursed for eternity!" Victoria shouted suddenly.  
  
Everyone looked over to where Torrie was sitting and nearly screamed. She was suspended in the air and was doing a very strange dance. Everyone looked towards Victoria and saw that she had a mini-Torrie doll and was pretty much controlling her.  
  
"Put the voodoo doll down and walk away slowly." Ivory said.  
  
~*~ Backstage ~*~  
  
"Are you alright, Jade?" Rey asked.  
  
"I think so, but there's a big welt on the back of my head." Jade responded.  
  
Rey moved closer and they kissed… several times. Then there was a knock on the door and Kaley entered. Jade and Rey pulled apart.  
  
"Was I… interrupting anything? I can leave if you want." Kaley said with a confused look on her face.  
  
"Oh, er… no, it's ok." Jade said, glancing at Rey Rey.  
  
"Um, Rey is it ok if I talk to Jade alone? I have to tell her something." Kaley asked.  
  
"Si, I'll just wait outside." Rey said, the opened the door. He almost had a heart attack when Jeff was right outside the door. Rey closed the door silently and began talking to Jeff.  
  
"Jade, I'm really sorry. I had to do that because Bitchy said to go out there and make it interesting or I was fired. Friends?"  
  
"Oh. Yeah, that's ok, I guess…" Jade said staring at the door, "I just heard the words 'Skittle' and 'Doritos'!!"  
  
~*~ Outside the door ~*~  
  
"How's Jade doing? Is her head ok?" Jeff started out the conversation.  
  
"She's doing ok. She's able to talk, at least." Rey said grinning, but then frowned at Jeff.  
  
"I'm sorry for the way that worked out, the whole RAW roster was threatened with their jobs if they didn't do this. Bitchy's completely crazy." Jeff said trying to explain, "Do you want some Doritos?" He said, handing over about three giant bags of Doritos.  
  
"Thanks man.. I brought some Skittles too, dawg!" Rey said, handing over six bags of Skittles.  
  
"You're so awesome Rey Rey!" Jeff screamed then pounced on the Skittles.  
  
"Ok, man, but don't you think we should get back to the girls?" Rey asked, trying to pull Jeff out of his state of skittle-oblivion.  
  
Just then Bitchy walked past singing.   
  
"Uh, dude, you do know that your voice sucks, right?" Jeff said, having woken up, so to speak.  
  
"Shut up! I'm enjoying myself." Bischoff responded.  
  
"And why are you just wandering around Stephanie's territory?" Jeff continued the barrage of questions.  
  
"Leave me alone." Bitchy said, and started to pout. He walked away.  
  
"Ok, let's go back to the girls NOW. We should share the wealth!" Rey suggested.  
  
"Oh alright." Jeff agreed.  
  
Just then the door opened. "Come on Rey Rey!" Jade said upon seeing them next to the door.  
  
"We'll just leave you two here," Kaley said, "I hope you feel better soon Jade." She said grabbing Jeff and walking off.  
  
"I will. Thanks!" Jade called after them.  
  
~*~ In The Ring ~*~  
  
Brock Lesnar staggered down the ramp screaming and carrying a boom box.  
  
"Hey Macarena, Macarena." He was shouting, then started to do the Macarena as the boom box turned on to that song. Chavo Guerrero saw him and started screaming, and then Eddie joined him.  
  
"OH MY GOD, ESSE! What is he doing?" Chavo said, frightened.  
  
"Somebody, quick! Hit him again! I don't want that stuck in my head!" Triple HHH yelled as the Guerreros suddenly began doing the Macarena as well.  
  
Goldberg appeared out of nowhere at the same time RVD did and started nailing Brock repetitively.  
  
"Ow! Ouch! AHHHHHHHH! Get off me!" Brock screamed. "I'm gunna F-5 you if you EVER hit me again!" He said, and then stalked off backstage.  
  
RVD got back in the ring and attempted to wrestle, but most of the other wrestlers were lying down because they were so tired.   
  
"I'm back, and better than ever!" Bitchy's music started and he strolled down the ramp with a microphone in hand.  
  
"Hello, hello, hello, ladies and gentlemen, fans and wrestlers alike! As you can see, my RAW superstars have invaded Smackdown! I came here to challenge the whole of Smackdown to a match at Wrestlemania XX this Sunday! If RAW wins, the rosters will permanently re-group. If Smackdown! possibly finds a way to beat my superstars, the brands will remain separate, but there will be a re-drafting of both brands. So some of the RAW wrestlers might be on Smackdown, and the might be on RAW, still. Vice-versa for the Smackdown! superstars. Stephanie, could you come out and tell me what you think?" Bitchy said, then looked expectantly towards the top of the ramp.  
  
Stephanie stood at the top of the ramp, looking down on Bitch-face. All of the superstars were looking around wildly, the Smackdown! superstars hearing this for the first time and the RAW superstars waiting to see what Stephanie had to say.  
  
"You know what Bischoff? Even though you came and created this big mess without permission from my father, I ACCEPT! Now get the hell out of my building! You got what you came here for!" Stephanie said viciously.  
  
"Fine," Bitchy sniffed, "I'll go. But we're staying at the same hotel as you Smackdown! people, the Kalahari in Wisconsin Dells. See you there!" He said gleefully.  
  
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I hope that was fun for you all :D Next chapter will be all about the Kalahari, most likely, with the superstars all hang out. The Kalahari is a giant Resort and Waterpark and there are a lot of sweet things around that place. Been there about 15 times even though it is kind of expensive. Anywayz, stay tuned. Lol! 


	7. Kalahari Krazee!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you enjoy this chapter, it should be interesting! A new thing to add to my little disclaimer: I do not own the Kalahari, nor am I affiliated with it in any way. Now to explain a couple things: The Kalahari is a very large hotel/ resort/ waterpark/ restuarant/ anything else, and is an actual place in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin, USA. I will try to describe some things in the story, things not explained in the story: The Zulu Grille is a big snack area that you pay for food at. The Lazy River is a long river that has water in it from 1.5 to 3 feet deep, where you float on innertubes. The Mud Hut is a big bar next to/on higher ground, by the wave pool. The Public Service Announcement bit is for old times sake (lol David).  
  
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Rey Mysterio and Jade, followed closely by Jeff Hardy and Kaley, walked into the main lobby at the Kalahari Resort and Waterpark. Behind the couples, both the RAW and Smackdown! superstars trailed along, including the divas. They had to be literally dragged out to the parking lot to drive up north to the Kalahari at six in the morning. The night before they had managed to get the voodoo doll away from Victoria without further damage to anyone, or anything, although they had found a whole set of the vicious dolls, which had resembled nearly every woman Victoria had ever known.  
  
One by one, everyone checked in at the front desk and got waterpark access bracelets. Then they headed to their rooms to prepare for some major swimming.  
  
"Which swimming suit should I wear, Oscar?" Jade asked, modeling a blue bikini for Rey Rey.  
  
"Whichever one you want to. They all look good to me." Rey replied, flipping through channels on the tv while waiting for her to finish. He had already had his swimming trunks on.  
  
In Kaley and Jeff's room, almost the same discussion was taking place.  
  
"Come on Kaley, stop worrying about your hair, the chlorine is going to fuck it up anyway!" Jeff said from the king size bed he was lying on, also flipping through channels.  
  
"Fine, fine. Let's go Jeffy." Kaley said, going out the door just as Rey and Jade were leaving their room, which was the next door over. All of the rooms reserved for WWE superstars, royalty, and staff were multi-room suites.  
  
"Good god, this is a long freaking walk!" Jade said, continuing to walk down the long hallway that was decorated with all assortments of African artifacts.  
  
"I know! Let's race!" Rey suggested.  
  
"In these? I can't run in flip-flops!" Kaley exclaimed.  
  
"So take them off and run barefoot! It won't kill you." Jade responded.  
  
"Ok, shoes off now? On your mark, get set, go!" Jeff shouted and they all took off.  
  
They raced down the length of the hall and through the lobby, past Ivory Coast (a bar in the corner of the lobby), and down to the entrance of the indoor waterpark. Right next to the entrance is a snackbar and Ingraffias restaurant.  
  
Jeff skidded to a stop.  
  
"Woah! That's sweet!" He exclaimed, and some invisible force brought him into the restaurant. Right in the center of the room is a firplace-type-thing filled with water and gas jets that have fire atop them.  
  
"Ooooooh... Fire..." Jeff said with a glazed look on his face. He was so into seeing the flames that he bumped into Kane who was already staring at them.  
  
"Watch where you're going!" Kane growled from under his mask.  
  
"Oops, sorry dude. This is just really-"  
  
At that precise moment, Kaley came up behind him and tackled him.  
  
"Come on! Rey won the race and Jade got second. We wanna go swimming now!" Kaley said, kissing Jeff as she helped him off his ass.  
  
They started walking towards the entrance then split off, men into the men's locker/ changing/ bathe room and the women into their own area.   
  
Once inside the waterpark, they all stared with wonder at the rides, wave pool, hot tubs, and everything else in there. Except for the fact that there were a lot of people in there and all of the other superstars were in their swimming suits, beating the crap out of each and every lifeguard. The divas were taking it easy on the better looking lifeguards, but otherwise were unbiased.   
  
Very quickly, all of the lifeguards were running for their lives. Scott Steiner went past muttering something about steroids and the fitness room.  
  
"Good luck, buddy!" Jeff yelled after him.  
  
"Let's go!" Kaley said excitedly, headin towards the wave pool.  
  
Jade and Rey had already jumped in the wave pool and grabbed a double innertube. Just then an announcement came over the P.A. system.  
  
"Attention citizens of the waterpark, this is a Public Service Announcement, brought to you by me, The Hurricane. We, the people who shall remain unnamed ~voice of Jericho is heard: "You stupid ass clown! You already told them who you are!"~ Ahem. Anyways, we have taken over this Resort and we are closing it to the public. Please leave at this moment! Everyone out! Bye bye! Cya! Take all your stuff and go. Thank you, citizens, this has been a Public Service Announcement.  
  
Jade and Rey walk up to Jeff and Kaley.  
  
"Does that mean us, too?" Rey asks.  
  
"I don't think so." Kaley said, plopping down in a chair.  
  
Soon everyone was cleared out of that place except the WWE superstars.  
  
"Ok, Victoria, I'm going to need you to come with me. Yes, you can bring your spiders." Kaley said, coaxing Victoria into the women's locker/ bathe room.  
  
"You can't make me go in there! I can't go! I won't go! I refuse, you stupid little brat!" Jazz shrieked at Jade.  
  
Jade had Jazz by the hair and was literally dragging her towards the lifeguard station, a secluded room that had a door with a lock on it. Perfectly ideal for getting rid of unwanted half-humans.  
  
"I don't care what you think about me, you stupid bitch!" Jade replied, twisting Jazz's hair to cause more pain.  
  
They then reached the lifeguard station, which was no more than a small closet. Jazz let out a final yell as Jade slammed the door and left her to the darkness.  
  
Jade dusted off her hands and went over to where Kaley and Jeff were standing.  
  
"Where did Rey go?" asked Kaley.  
  
"Actually, I don't know where he went. He said something about raiding the Zulu Grille for Doritos and Dippin Dots," Jade replied laughing, "And what is going on with Big Show and A-Train, exactly?"  
  
"Oh, no one wants either of them around, so Steve Austin, Kevin Nash, Kane, and Trips are attempting to trap them in the innertube storage closet for four days, until we leave for Green Bay, where Wrestlemania is going to be, now. It's quite interesting to watch, really. Kind of like the old 'How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb', " Kaley said, then squeaked when Jeff pinched her, "Ow!" She cried.  
  
As if to prove Kaley's point, the ground started to shake and Big Show, next to A-Train, went thundering past followed by their pursuers.  
  
Austin was shouting, "You stupid sum bitches! Get in the damn storage closet!" Which startled Triple H, making him fall to the ground and crack his head open. He was bleeding so much that he was near death, so Ric Flair appeared magically and took him to his room to watch him die a slow and painful death. Stephanie was seen running after the duo.  
  
"Oh wow, that was odd... Anyways, I thought Wrestlemania was going to be in New York this year because of the twenty year dealie-bobber?" Jade asked, then screamed in surprise. Rey had come up behind her and thrown a bag of Doritos mixed with Skittles over her head, then darted in front of her to catch them.  
  
"Aww... isnt that just the cutest thing in the world, Jeffy? He's showig off for Jadey," Kaley said, whispering to Jeff, then rasied her voice to address Jade, "Yeah, it is kinda weird that Vince would just change it from New York to a place like Green Bay, just like that. But it's kind of cool because it's so close to our home town!"  
  
"¿De donde es?" Rey asked.  
  
"Donde esta Madison." Kaley and Jade said simultaneously.  
  
"Huh?" said Jeff.  
  
"I asked where they were from and they said they were from Madison." Rey explained rapidly.  
  
"Oh! Why didn't you tell me you were from Madison? We were just there last night!" Jeff exclaimed.  
  
"You never asked." Kaley said cheekily.  
  
"Well, anyway, why don't we go do something fun?" Rey asked.  
  
"Yeah! We should raid the Mud Hut! It's a really cool bar, up there!" Jeff said pointing, "Come on!" He shouted enthusiastically as he dragged Kaley away.  
  
"Ok, now that they are gone, how about we go on the lazy river?" Rey suggested.  
  
"Yeah, we should hold races between the other superstars!" Jade said, grinning.  
  
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Holy crapola! That is a very long chapter. Wrote it on the way up north and back and I hope you enjoyed it! 


	8. Racing, Meditation Rocks, and Disturbing

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, sorry it's been a while since I updated... about a week, but still, thats a long time for me. I hope you enjoy this chapter, etc... Please review!  
  
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"On your marks!" Jade shouted.  
  
"Get set!" Rey yelled.  
  
"Go!!" Both Rey and Jade shouted.  
  
And the first-ever Kalahari-Lazy-River-tube-race was on, between RVD and The Hurricane.  
  
"Are there any rules for these races?" Jamie Noble asked, coming up behind them.  
  
"Hell no!" Rey said, watching as RVD nailed Hurricane hard in the side in an attempt to knock him over.  
  
Hurricane fell with a splash, then immediately got up and chased after Rob, who had hightailed it further along the river. They were now about halfway through the first lap.   
  
"Two laps to go, guys!" Jade shouted to them a couple minutes later as they approached the final bend and came into view from where Rey, Jade and Noble were standing.  
  
~*~  
  
"Oh, Jeffy, this is great!" Kaley said, slurping on a skittle daquiri she had made for herself and Jeff using a blender.  
  
"Yeah, no kidding." Jeff said, grinning, "Do you think we should get Rey and Jade some Dorito flavored daquiries?"  
  
Before she could answer, a shout was heard.  
  
"Grab me another beer!" Stone Cold yelled from the corner of the platform on which the bar was situated. He had given up on chasing around Big Show and A-Train and was now content with drinking beer. Now it was only Nash and Kane who were after the giant duo.  
  
"Me, too!" Said Chris Benoit.  
  
Jeff threw one at each of them, otherwise Austin would have been bitching endlessly until he got what he wanted.  
  
From the bar, they could all see all of the divas (those not banished, that is) running around the kiddie play area.  
  
"This is so cool!" Molly screeched.  
  
"Yeah!" the other divas chimed in.  
  
They then began shooting water canons, stationed every so often throughout the play area, at all the guys plus Kaley at the bar.   
  
"Hey!! That alcohol abuse! Watch where you're spraying the damn water. We don't want chlorinated alcohol!" Rhyno shouted at the girls from another corner.  
  
"Eww... That's gross." Kaley said from her spot under the bar, where she had taken refuge with her daquiri.  
  
~*~  
  
"Get in the God-damned closet!" Kane growled as he and Nash started to move closer to the giants.  
  
*ROAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* *RRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* Big Show roared across the place. He was being backed closer and closer to the Innertube Closet, and quite obviosly didn't like it.  
  
"Ah, shuddup and get in there. You're a stupid oaf and you know it." Goldberg said, joining Nash and Kane.   
  
Behind the pair of giants, Brian Kendrick appeared and opened the door at the exact same time as the trio ran at them collectively, spearing them into the closet. They jumped out and slammed the door shut behind them, trapping the two giants.  
  
"Hey... Where did Brian go?" Goldberg asked as screams escaped from behind the door.  
  
~*~  
  
"And we have a winner!!" Jade shouted as RVD crossed the invisible finish line, followed closely by The Hurricane.  
  
"¡Felicitaciones en ganar la primera raza siempre!" Rey said to Rob as he came out of the water through the wave pool.  
  
"What did you say, dude?" Rob questioned looking confused.  
  
Layce came up behind him, "Didn't you learn any Spahish in school?" She teased, "He said 'Congratulations on winning the first race ever!' " She explained, glancing at Rey.  
  
"¡Exactamente! Gracias, señora encantadora." Rey said to Layce.  
  
"AAAHHHHHH! Stop it! Please, it's torture! No offense, dude, but I don't like it when I can't understand anything coming out of a person's mouth." RVD said, trying to stay calm.  
  
"It's ok, Robbie." Layce said soothingly then walked away with him. Before she had gotten out of sight she yelled back to Rey and Jade.  
  
"Are there any meditation rocks in this place?" Layce asked, grinning.  
  
"I'm sure there are," Jade said winking, "Myabe you can ask at the front desk... If those guys didn't get scared away by us, too."  
  
"¿Falté algo, mi reina misterio?" Rey asked, confused.  
  
"No, you've not missed anything. Now we got to get to our next race! Jamie Noble versus his darling girlfriend, Nidia!" Jade said, almost choking on the last few words.  
  
"Ok, but this is the last race of the might. We can have more tomorrow, but I'm getting tired. Word has it we're going mini-golfing tomorrow." Rey said, winking at Jade.  
  
~*~  
  
"Come on, let's go find a meditiation rock somewhere, adn then we can relax and have...fun." Layce said to RVD as they approached the front desk in the lobby.   
  
"What are you candyasses doing here?" The Rock asked at the same time Jericho screeched out, "What are you assclowns doing?"   
  
These two were seated side-by-side behind the front desk. Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley stood by the doors to serve as bouncers in case any tourists or fans tried to enter the main doors.  
  
"Dude, calm down. We just wanted to know if you knew about any meditation rocks around this place, so just chill out." RVD said, apparently back to his old self.  
  
"Why do you want to know about meditation rocks?" The Rock said, sporting a People's Eyebrow and gazing curiously at the pair in front of him.  
  
"Well... I don't think we have to tell you. Just tell me where there's a meditation rock." Layce said.  
  
"But WHY should we tell you?" Jericho asked.  
  
"TELL ME WHERE THERE IS A FUCKING MEDITATION ROCK OR I'LL KILL YOU!" Layce shrieked, getting up in Jericho's face.  
  
"Layce, calm down," RVD said then whispered, "She has some mental problems. We need a meditation rock to make her condition better," to Rocky and Jericho. They nodded in understanding.  
  
"There's a couple of them down the hall on the second floor, you can get there by taking the elevators," Jericho said pointing, "Good luck." He added.  
  
"I heard what you said about me. Why did you say that? That was mean." Layce asked, whispering to Rob.  
  
"It was only a little lie so they would stop asking questions. I didn't mean a word of it," He replied, whispering comfortingly.  
  
~*~  
  
Jamie Noble and Nidia were fighting each other down the river. They were still on the first lap and had been on it for approximately 15 minutes. Finally they approached the starting point.  
  
"¡Dos a ir!" Jade said as they neared the point.  
  
The battling couple paused a moment, looked up, then Nidia jumped up in the air and brought her tube down on Jamie's head.  
  
"OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" He howled, then chased after her before she got too far ahead.  
  
"Wow, it seems to be going much faster now. I'm amazed!" Jade said, turning to Rey.  
  
"Hey guys, how're the races going?" Jeff asked walking up to them with Kaley beside him. They were both sopping wet.  
  
"We're going back to our rooms now. Have fun watching the trailer park rejects," Kaley said.  
  
"What happened to you guys?" Rey asked.  
  
"The divas kind of attacked the bar with water cannons from the kiddie play area... Long story." Jeff replied.  
  
"Here, look what I brought for you!" Kaley said, holding up the Dorito and daquiri mixture.  
  
"OH MY GOD! What is that?" Rey shouted excitedly, pouncing on Kaley, "Gimme, gimme, gimme!"  
  
Jade soon joined him in attacking Kaley. Finally they wrenched the...er...liquid away from her and sat there drinking it all up.  
  
"Hey, aren't you going to pay attention to your racers? They just went past." Jeff said, reminding them of their previous entertainment.  
  
"Oh, yeah! One lap to go!" Jade called after them, but she doubted they heard. Nidia had just got dunked by Jamie and was now chasing him at full speed to get ahead once again.  
  
"Well, we're off!" Jeff said, then walked off arm-in-arm with Kaley.  
  
Nidia rounded the finally corner and took the win.  
  
"¡Felicitationes!" Rey congratulated en español.  
  
Nidia and Jamie Noble immediately ran off, leaving Jade and Rey alone.  
  
"One last race?" Rey asked hoping off the bridge and onto an empty innertube in the river.   
  
"You're on!" Jade shouted then jumped in after him.  
  
Rey ended up beating Jade, but that was ok with her. They left; amidst whimpers that echoed throughout the empty waterpark from various locked rooms and closets; and walked back to their suite, hugging each other close.  
  
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No, the story isn't over, even though it kind of sounded like it, lol. There's still a lot more left of the story, Sorry if this chapter was kind of boring. I am half asleep right now but I wanted to write more, so that's what I did! Some of you may have been confused, so... Here are some Spanish translations from this chapter:   
  
"¡Exactamente! Gracias, señora encantadora." = "Exactly! Thank you, lovely lady."  
  
"¿Falté algo, mi reina misterio?" = "Did I miss something, my mystery queen?"  
  
"¡Dos a ir!" = "Two to go!" 


	9. Sleepwalking, Rhyno's Rhino and Funerals

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here I am, with yet another chapter! I hope you enjoy. Please review after you read! Thanks!  
  
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It was three in the morning in the room shared by Rey and Jade.  
  
"Holy shit! Where am I!? What's going on?!" Jade sat bolt upright, almost shrieking but somehow (miraculously) contained it, although she fell on the floor.  
  
No reply. Jade got her bearings as her head came in contact with the wall and realized she was at the Kalahari.   
  
"Rey? ¿Eso tu? What the fuck are you doing?" She asked, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to see better through the darkness.  
  
She got up and slowly approached the form that was jumping up and down between the two beds. She caught him midair and set him on the ground. She then shook him thoroughly.  
  
"Rey? ¿Hola? Oscar?" Jade asked. Rey's eyes had the glazed over look in his eyes.   
  
"Huh? Where the hell am I?" Rey said, looking at Jade who had dumped ice on his head.  
  
Jade burst out laughing and fell on the ground. Rey stared blankly at her.   
  
"Hehe, I didn't know you sleep walk- er, I should say… sleep…um, bounce." Jade said, "But lets go back to sleep now. It's still too early to get up. Unless you wanna watch a movie?"   
  
Before Rey could respond, a weird noise was heard from by the fold-out sofa. He approached it cautiously and jumped on the form crouching there.  
  
"Argh! Oof! Get offa me!" The voice of Jeff Hardy resounded throughout the room.  
  
"¿Qué usted está haciendo aquí?" Rey demanded, jumping quickly off of Jeff as soon as he recognized his friend.  
  
"Wha-"  
  
" 'What are you doing here?' " Jade said before he finished the question.  
  
"Oh… well, I came here to wrestle you like you asked me to when you came to my door and I opened it and-" Jeff started.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Rey asked.  
  
"You came to my room and asked if I wanted to wrestle you in here!" Jeff exclaimed, looking confused.  
  
From the other side of the room you could hear Jade laughing as she let in Kaley.  
  
"What's going on?" Kaley asked.  
  
"It appears... that Rey was sleepwalking…and he went to your room, got Jeff and they started wrestling… I've never known that Rey ever slept-walk." Jade attempted to explain, rubbing sleep from her eyes.  
  
"Allow me to say something," Rey said laughing, "I don't remember doing that… All I know is that Jade almost gave me whiplash trying to wake me up!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Oh… sorry about that. But I think we should go back to sleep now. I'm tired still." Jade apologized.  
  
"Yeah. It's kind of three thirty in the morning!" Kaley exclaimed, attempting to drag Jeff out of the room. Jeff closed the door as he went past it on his ass, and Jade and Rey were alone once again.  
  
Jade ran for her bed and Rey did the same.   
  
"Brrrr… my bed's so cold!" Jade said into the darkness.  
  
"I can help you warm up." Rey said.  
  
~*~ Later ~*~  
  
Everyone was slowly wandering around, drifting eventually towards the humongous get together in Ingraffias for the buffet.   
  
To get the cook to stay, Stephanie had had to pay an extra large sum of money, and assured the poor little chef that the wrestlers were all leaving in three days.  
  
By this time, it was around 10:00 A.M. and among the ones who had not shown up yet were Rey and Jade, Jeff and Kaley, and Layce and RVD. The Hurricane was also missing, but he seemed to be wandering around an awful lot lately. At that time, a conversation was taking place about those very people.  
  
"Where in the hell did they all go?" Bitchy asked.  
  
"Last night, Layce and Rob were ranting on about a meditation rock, the other two couples are probably… sleeping, and Hurri-dorky dude is probably lurking in the game room." The Rock stated.  
  
"But I thought Jade was just Rey's manager?" Booker T asked.  
  
"Well… I guess things have changed. They've become an item." Giggled Trish, taking a seat beside Stephanie. Just then they heard the oddest noise in the world.  
  
"What in the hell?!" Steph shrieked.  
  
They all looked out the door towards the area where all of the stomping and grunting was coming from.  
  
"What in the blue hell does Rhyno have?" The Rock asked.  
  
"Uh…I think it's the rhino from in front of the freaking hotel. You know, by the front entrance?" Bitchy said.  
  
"Why do you have that, Rhyno?" Stephanie called out.  
  
No answer, but he continued to run around the hotel holding the rhino.   
  
When he got to the top floor he threw the rhino on the ground near the end of the hallway.  
  
"Run free! Be free my little rhino!" Rhyno said gleefully, staring at the rhino.  
  
He stared at it for approximately 15 minutes.  
  
"Raaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggh!! I said be free!" Rhyno screamed at the form of the rhino, which if you stood it on end, it would be up to Rhyno's stomach.  
  
He then heaved the rhino over his head and threw it through the window.  
  
"Hurray! Fly my little rhino! Fly!" he said and was about to jump out of the window after the rhino, but Matt Hardy showed up at that precise moment with Lita beside him.  
  
~*~  
  
"Jeff? Where are you?" Kaley said, sitting up in bed slowly, "Oh… in the shower." She said, realizing that this device had been what woke her up.   
  
The shower stopped and Jeff came out of the bathroom in a towel.  
  
"Good morning." Jeff said.  
  
"Good morning," Kaley responded, smiling when she saw only the towel around his waist, "Do you think the Jade and Rey are up yet?"   
  
"Let's find out," Jeff said, the hit his hand against the wall as hard as he could to make as much noise as possible, "Ow!" he said after a few minutes, then gave up and walked off to get dressed.  
  
~*~  
  
"Now what in the hell is that?" Jade said, startled awake by the thumping next door.  
  
"I don't know. What the hell are Kaley and Jeff doing over there?" Rey asked, continuing to walk around the room with a towel around his waist as he had been, waiting for Jade to wake up.  
  
"Do I want to know?" Jade said, getting out of the bed and heading for one of the two bedrooms.  
  
"Oh, good idea, I should change too," Rey said, noticing he still had only a towel on, "After that do you want to go eat breakfast or watch movies?"  
  
"We should just go down to breakfast. Remember we're supposed to be going mini-golfing today?" Jade yelled from behind the door.  
  
"Oh yeah!" Rey said from behind the other bathroom door.  
  
~*~  
  
"How's everyone doing?" Layce and RVD asked as they walked into Ingraffias.  
  
"We're fine," Bitchy responded for everyone, "but do you know where Kaley, Jeff, Jade, Rey, and/ or The Hurricane are?"  
  
"Nope, sorry dude, I have no clue. Why?" Rob asked.  
  
"Oh, no one told you? First we're going to HHH's funeral- he died last night of his head injury because Flair refused to take him to the hospital- and then we are going mini-golfing!" Stephanie said, sitting down with another plate of bacon. She was the only one who was still eating.  
  
"Ok, cool." Layce said.  
  
"What? Hell no. I'm not going to any funeral or mini golfing. That's stupid as hell!" The Undertaker said as he walked past the main table.  
  
"Damn straight, we got other things to do." Kane said, exchanging glances with 'Taker.   
  
'Taker nodded and they walked towards the fire. As they approached this marvelous centerpiece, they spoke strange incantations then walked straight into it and disappeared.  
  
"Awesome! I wanna do that!" Jeff shouted, entering the restaurant with Kaley trying to restrain him once again; Jade and Rey watching them with an entertained look on their faces.  
  
"Finally! You have come-" Bitchy started, but was interrupted.  
  
"Slogan infringement!" The Rock shouted.  
  
"Shut up, you didn't let me finish!" Bitchy complained, then turned his attention back to the two couples, "Finally you guys have joined us! Where in the hell have you been?"  
  
"Yeah, we've been waiting to go to HHH's funeral for a while." Stephanie said, starting to pout.  
  
"Would you shut up about the funeral? No one cares that he died, you stupid ass clown!" Jericho shouted from across the restaurant.  
  
"Trips died? Cool!" Jeff exclaimed.  
  
"Sorry," Kaley attempted to apologize, "We had a mid-night fiasco." She finished, laughing.  
  
"Well, I'm going to the funeral now. All who would like to come, follow me!" Stephanie yelled.  
  
The Hurricane appeared from around the corner. "I will go, citizen Stephanie. It is my duty as a superhero!" He said boldly, as no one else moved from his or her seat and silence filled the room.  
  
"Ok, while they are gone, let's go downtown and find a good place to mini golf!" Bitchy said excitedly and headed out the door.  
  
The two couples that had come in late grabbed a couple cold breakfast items from the trays on the buffet table and followed the others, all except the Rhyno, Matt Hardy and Lita, who were still… somewhere.  
  
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Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I swear that they are actually mini-golfing in the next chapter, they won't hang around the hotel or anything like that, lol. Here's some more translation:  
  
"¿Eso tu?" = "That you?"  
  
"¿Hola?" = Hello?  
  
"¿Qué usted está haciendo aquí?" = "What are you doing here?" 


	10. Furniture Toss and Head Knocking

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm back with yet another chapter! Hope you enjoy it! I am in no way affiliated with any of the mini-golf places in this chapter, although they are real places. Don't forget to review! Thanks!  
  
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"Rhyno, you need a life! You know what you need? You need MATTITUDE!" Matt Hardy said to Rhyno, who both he and Lita had pinned in the corner.  
  
"You do not want to go out the window, lame ass." Lita was chanting over and over in a voice a tone lower than Matt's speech.  
  
"RAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! You can't keep me away from my dear window! You absolutely cannot!" Rhyno shouted and bulldozed through the Mattitude barrier.  
  
"I told you this wouldn't work." Lita yelled at Matt as they chased Rhyno down the hall.  
  
Matt slowed to a stop. "You don't believe in Mattitude anymore? Awww Lita, how could you convert?" He said, starting to whine.  
  
"Oh Matty, you know I love your Mattitude, but I decided to move on. Why don't you set up some Mattitude seminars downtown and I'll help you out. That should make you feel better." Lita said, trying to get herself out of Matt's attention for the moment.   
  
Just then they heard shattering glass. "Oh damn!" Matt shouted, but then began screaming as Rhyno ran past with more furniture to dispose of out the window.  
  
"We're gonna get killed for this!" Lita said, staring after Rhyno dubiously.  
  
"No we aren't. We are going downtown. We are going to educate the general public on the betters of Mattitude! We are going to pretend we did NOT just see what the Rhyno did!" Matt said, starting for the elevator.  
  
~*~  
  
*THWACK* *THUNK* "Holy shit! Dude! What are you dumbasses doing behind me!" Jericho shouted and turned on his heel.  
  
He looked down upon the teens he had just nailed in the head while practicing his swing. One, a mentally retarded teenager named Tyson Vitale, was laying on the ground twitching. Beside him twitched the form of one Jacob Groskruetz.  
  
Jericho did not know who these people were, and because of his ego, he didn't care. The only reason these people are in the story is because of the author's interests. ANYWAYZ.  
  
"Jacob? Is that you? I can't believe you are here. Why are you here? You little mini-golf course hobo!" Kaley said stepping away from Jeff.  
  
"Huh? Whaaaaat? Whatchusay?" Jacob said, still in convulsions.  
  
"Woooooo! I'm Ric Flair! Wait. What the hell am I talking about? I hate wrestling. It's the gayest thing on eart-" Tyson said coming out of his convulsions, only to be cut off.  
  
"TELL me you did NOT just say that!" Booker T shouted, spitting on the large lump forming on Tyson's head.  
  
"I, the mental retard of the century, did in fact say what I said and I'll say it-" Tyson replied, but was cut off again.  
  
"Push them in." Bitchy said, then watched with satisfaction as the two strange teens were shoved into a nearby mini fake lake full of algae. The waterfall pounded on their bodies and pushed them under water.  
  
"Hurray! They're gone, they're gone." Trish said doing a strange dance.  
  
"That was fun to watch." Victoria said, grinning in a manner that scared the shit out of all within a ten-mile radius.  
  
"Now, we are actually MINI-GOLFING." Stone Cold said, trying to steer attention back to their orignial occupation of the day.  
  
~*~  
  
*SOB* "I can't believe he is GONE." Steph sobbed on Ric Flair. *pause*  
  
"Wait, shouldn't you be in fucking prison? You watched him DIE! Rot in hell, bitch!" Stephanie snapped at him the threw him into HHH's casket.  
  
"MWAHAHAHA! BURY THEM!" She shouted and watched as the gravediggers covered the casket, now occupied by two... people/ lifeless bodies, with mounds of dirt.  
  
The Hurricane watched all of this is stunned silence, but mumbled to himself, "I did not graduate at Hurri-U. I didn't! Chris Nowinski was LYING."   
  
He walked away saying this to himself and Stephanie soon joined him in walking back to the car.   
  
"Yay, glad that's over!" Steph said, "Now I don't have to pretend I care anymore!"  
  
~*~  
  
"So you say HHH will be coming any time now? Why hasn't he already come? We've been waiting two hours and he died last night!" Undertaker said, speaking to Satan.  
  
"All in good time, my pretty, all in good time." Satan said in a voice like the Wicked Witch of the West (Wizard of Oz...sorry, I couldn't resist).  
  
Just then, HHH and Ric Flair popped out of the flaming ceiling simultaneously.  
  
"Hey, I thought they said only HHH died!" Kane said to 'Taker.  
  
"It's just one more body to torture." 'Taker replied, pulling some giant pins out of his pocket. Turning to Satan, he asked, "Do you have any more torture devices around this place?"  
  
"What kind of evil, hell -owning *person* would I be if I didn't? Come this way..." Satan said, leading Kane and 'Taker down a dark hallway, leaving Trips and Flair staring at each other.  
  
~*~  
  
"Christian SOO looked like a girl last week!" Kaley said to Jeff as they began wandering down a path leading towards the course they had decided to golf on.  
  
"Yeah. He needed a new wardrobe, but not THAT drastic." Jeff said.  
  
They came to a split in the trail and bade farewell to Rey and Jade who were taking on a course that was almost right next to theirs. As they walked down the path together, Kaley failed to notice a sopping wet figure trailing behind the pair.  
  
~*~  
  
"So Rey, do you wanna go first? I suck at mini golfing. I might slice your head off," Jade said as they reached the first hole, "And that would not be cool."  
  
"HEY! My cool, not yours! Get away from cool!" RVD shouted from where he and Layce were situated on their own course.  
  
"Does this mean that if I go after you, you'll chop my head off with your swing?" Rey asked, pausing, "And if I go ahead of you, I'll either get a mouthful of fake grass or a bump on my head form the ball nailing me?" Rey asked.  
  
"Yeah, that's kind of how it always goes," Jade said laughing, "So maybe when I'm taking my turn just go hide behind a tree or something."  
  
"Works for me." Rey said shrugging and placed his ball on the fake grass.   
  
He got a hole-in-one then ran behind a pine tree that was close to the course.  
  
"Here I gooooo!" Jade shouted, then swung at the ball.  
  
The ball flew halfway across the gold course, boinked off of the sign advertising the golf course, then nailed some little blonde boy in the head.  
  
"Is it safe to come out yet?" Rey asked, his voice muffled by the tree's branches.  
  
"Sure! I shot it already, so you should be ok now!" Jade said.  
  
Just then the little boy ran up with a the ball and approached Rey.  
  
"Did you just hit me with this? It's such an honor! You're my favorite wrestler-" the little boy started, but Jade's laughing cut him off.  
  
Rey looked at Jade helplessly. Jade looked back, then fell on the ground lauging.  
  
"Um, no. What's your name?" Rey asked the kid.  
  
"Oh me? I'm Cody. She knows me!" The child said pointing to Jade.  
  
Rey looked at her questioningly. "Oh, er, yes," she said attempting to recover, "the runt is my brother. He must have joined Jacob and became a hobo! Ehehe!"  
  
"I resent that," Cody said sullenly, then turned to Rey, "Could you sign this?"  
  
"Sure." Rey said, then watched Cody scuttle off.  
  
"That was odd..." Jade said, now fully recovered.  
  
"Let's keep golfing." Rey said.  
  
"I can't now. Let's just walk down to hole 18 and throw your ball down there." Jade replied and started skipping towards the hole.  
  
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Ok, so not a lot happened in that chapter. I'm already starting 11, I've got lots of ideas now. Check back soon. Sorry this was boring (to most of you, but people from my school might beg to differ). Adios for now! 


	11. Mattitude Seminars, Stalkers and Blood

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ah, so soon, so soon. Hope you enjoy this chapter! (Note: the Deja-Vu is a move Kaley made up herself... it's kind of like a Twist Of Fate, but backwards. So I think she owns the move, lol.)  
  
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"Now, in order to be a Mattitude Follower..." Matt was saying to a couple of ants who were squished onto the table he had set up on the sidewalk in downtown Wisconsin Dells when Lita drove up in her rental car.  
  
"No luck with new recruits?" Lita asked as she climbed out of the car and opened the back door. "Guess who I brought for you, Matty."  
  
"A new follower?"  
  
"No."  
  
"An old follower or someone who has believed for a long time?"  
  
"Well, maybe. I'm not sure about that. But I did bring you Crash. I found him on the side of the road on the way here from the Kalahari. I knew he would cheer you up." Lita said smiling.  
  
"Oh, it's just Crash. Wait. I know what I can have you do!" Matt shouted, "You can gather people for me to teach the Mattributes of a Mattitude Follower. When you are finished, you can learn from the master as well. It will work out great!"  
  
"Oh... Sure. I'll do that." Crash replied, then ran off.  
  
~*~  
  
"Welcome to Hell! I'm sure your stupid self will enjoy it here. Myself and my associates," Satan said pausing in his welcome to HHH and Flair to look towards Kane and 'Taker, "Have GREAT plans for you." He finished.  
  
"You're not gunna do shit to me, you dumbass!" HHH said spitefully.  
  
"Oh, now I wonder how he got to come to hell." Satan said sarcastically then turned to Kane.  
  
"The flames are ready." He said  
  
"So is the electricutionary device." 'Taker said.  
  
"Follow me, you two." Satan said motioning to Flair and Trips.  
  
~*~  
  
"Good shot, Jeff!" Kaley said encouragingly.  
  
She whirled around in a circle then took her shot. They were almost to the end of their course, at hole 14. She squeaked and ran over to Jeff.  
  
"OH MY GOD. Jeff... I think someone is following us," Kaley whispered urgently, "But not very well. He hasn't any tracking skills, the stupid golf course hobo!" She turned around and marched toward a bush with a puddle of water under it, Jeff following at a distance.  
  
"Kaley, who are you talking about?" Jeff asked her cautiously.  
  
"Jacob Lee Groskruetz!" She replied, nearing the hedges.  
  
"What?" Jake said, popping out of the ground.  
  
"Why are you stalking me, Jake?" Kaley demanded, grabbing his head in preparation for the Deja-Vu.  
  
"Because I miss you and I want you to come back and give our relationship a chance!" Jacob whined.  
  
"No Jake, you had your chance. I liked you, you didn't like me. You just kept avoiding me. Now it's too late!" Kaley said.  
  
"Yeah, bitch, she's mine now and I can bet you anything she loves me more than she ever loved a mini-golf course hobo like yourself!" Jeff said, "So get out of her life!"  
  
"B-b-but-" Jake said, starting to whine.  
  
"Go away before I hurt you." Kaley said.  
  
"You already did." Jake said sadly and walked away.  
  
~*~  
  
"Oh my God, what is that?" Jade said peering down at the 18th hole which had smears of blood all around it.  
  
"Um.. it looks like Steven Richard's head is down there." Rey said disgustedly.  
  
"Ok!" Jade said, then plopped Rey's golf ball down the drain that was smeared with blood as well.  
  
Just then Victoria ran past with a bloody golf club. She stopped when she saw Rey and Jade examining the hole.  
  
"Victoria, did you do this? And how in the hell did you escape your imprisonment in the women's locker room?" Jade said in a baby voice, like one talking to a small child.  
  
She nodded shyly, not even answering the second question, then started going after Rey with the golf club.  
  
"Holy SHIT!!" Jade shouted, "I'LL SAVE YOU REY REY!"  
  
Just then Brock Lesnar popped out of nowhere and grabbed Victoria around the neck.  
  
Jade came running up to Rey just as he sat on the ground with exertion.  
  
"Are you ok?" Jade asked breathlessly.  
  
"Yeah, she didn't get near me." Rey said watching Brock carry Victoria across the street towards the Devils Lake Dam.  
  
"What's he going to do with her?" Jade asked.  
  
"I'm not sure." Rey responded.  
  
"Noooooo! You can't throw me in!" Victoria shouted then nailed him on the back of his head just as he began throwing her into the rushing water.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP! I'M DROWNING!!!" Victoria shouted, swirling around in the water.  
  
Just then the Hurricane swooped out of the air and plunked her out of the water.  
  
"Now she's stuck in a tree and HURRICANE is drowning." Layce said laughing. She and RVD had just finished the first round of golfing.  
  
"Where did he come from anyway?" Jade asked as he watched Hurricane swim to the dam's wall and begin climbing it.  
  
"Dude, I guess the funeral is over." RVD said coming up behind Layce and scaring the shit out of her.  
  
"Yeah, Steph seems pretty damn happy, for someone whose fiance just DIED." Rey said watching Steph run around happily, doing a dance of some strange variety.  
  
Steph ran into Brock who was singing the Meow Mix commercial again.  
  
"What do you think you are doing?" she asked him, then turned to the crowd watching him, "Who hit him over the head?"  
  
"She did." The group said collectively, pointing towards the tree where Victoria now lay. By now the Hurricane was out of the dam, miraculously.  
  
"Oh well, she can stay there and rot. It will be fun to watch." Stephanie said, then walked away.  
  
"Did someone just say something about a tree?" Kaley asked coming from behind the group.  
  
"AAHHHHH!! No! Bad memories! No more trees!" Trish screamed and started running around in an attempt to get the bad memories out of her mind.  
  
"I like trees," Jeff said, "Let's go find one, Kaley."  
  
"Ok, do you have the Skittles?" She asked.  
  
"No," he said sadly, "I think we'll have to have skittle-less sex today."  
  
"That's terrible!" Jade shouted, "Maybe you should go to a store and get some Skittles."  
  
"Good plan!" Jeff responded, then ran off down the street with Kaley.  
  
"Trish! You can stop running around now! They've gone and won't remind you any longer!" Bitchy yelled to Trish.  
  
"Oh but they will! They'll be back! The madness will never end!" She shouted back at them.  
  
Christian nudged Test. "She's beginning to sound like Victoria." He said.  
  
"Maybe it rubbed off?" Test thought aloud.  
  
"Rey, let's go play bumper boats!" Jade said pointing towards the small pool.  
  
"Yeah, that'll be fun!" Rey responded.  
  
"It's a good thing Flair's not here. He'd probably drown if he went within six feet of that bumper-boat pool..." Jericho said jeeringly.  
  
~*~  
  
"No please! You're going to kill me-"  
  
"Shut up, Flair, you're already dead and buried-"  
  
"But I am going to DROWN!"  
  
"That just means you'll come back here and we'll start all over again!" 'Taker said, laughing evilly as he dripped the smallest drops of water possible onto Ric Flair's head.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I am drowning! Please, please stop!" Flair screamed from his shackles.  
  
"How's the electrocutionary device warming up, Kane?" 'Taker asked.  
  
"Perfectly. It'll be ready any moment." He replied.  
  
~*~ In another room in Hell ~*~  
  
*ZAP* *ZAP*  
  
Satan is zapping HHH with yet another electrocutionary device.  
  
"Do you know what that was for?" Satan asked HHH.  
  
"No... not really, you sum bitch!" HHH responded.  
  
"HEY! SLOGAN INFRINGEMENT!" Stone Cold's voice said, coming out of no where.  
  
"Damn, he's good... But not as good as the game!"  
  
"Yeah, actually I think he's BETTER than the game," Satan said, "Stop talking to yourself."  
  
*ZAP*  
  
"When does this stop?" HHH asked.  
  
"It never will. Each day you will be tortured more and more. Your life will literally be a living Hell! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Satan cried out happily.  
  
Suddenly a low rumbling is heard and Hell blows up.  
  
"Hey... I thought Hell was under Earth?" A random person named Jasmine asks Satan as he flies past her.  
  
"No, it's on Earth, only on another reeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllmm!" Satan shouted as he flew past.  
  
Flames flew all over the universe and hit all planets except Earth, which was protected from the mess by its ozone layer.  
  
Before they were blown into oblivion, Kane and 'Taker appeared back in Ingraffias at the Kalahari and went to their separate rooms as if nothing had happened.  
  
Scientists spotted two large comets in the sky shortly after the blast, which they were oblivious to, which they named after their research group. Little did they know... one was a once great Ric Flair and the other was a nose named Triple H.  
  
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Hope you enjoyed this one! Will Jeff and Kaley find Skittles? You'll have to wait and see! 


	12. Pick a Tree, Any Tree

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey everyone! It's getting closer and closer to Wrestlemania XX(in my story, that is.) I will be gone all next week (June 9-14). I'll be on a trip, and writing stories like mad most likely! It'll be a blast. So anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and PLEASE review! I want to know what everyone who reads this thinks! Even if you only have an email address, you can review, lol.  
  
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"Crash! What is wrong with you? Can't you do anything right?" Matt shouted as Crash walked up to Matt empty-handed.  
  
"Well, uh, sometimes I can." Crash replied stupidly.  
  
"Did I ask you to speak?" Matt said in near hysterics, "Lita, did you hear me ask him to speak?"  
  
"Matt, actually you did." she said calmly, "Don't you think we should go now? It's getting dark and the weather isn't exactly the best at this time of day." She said pointing to the sky.  
  
"No! I still have my ants!" Matt cried, pointing to the table where there resided the crusty, sunbaked ants that were still squished into the table.  
  
Matt moved closer to the table and began speaking to the dead creatures in a hushed tone.   
  
"To become Mattitude Followers-"  
  
"Matt, you already told them that."  
  
"Shut up." He said, sticking his tongue out at Lita, then turning back to the table, "To become a Mattitude Follower, you first need to be HUMAN! Where are humans!?! Are there any humans left on this Earth?!" He said, gradually getting louder and began to shout.  
  
"Calm down Matt, it is seriously ok. Here's some magical and almighty dust to put on the bugs. Then they will become human." Lita said, lying, as she picked up a handful of assorted dirt off the ground.  
  
"Are you sure it will work?"  
  
"Positive." Lita said, laughing nervously.  
  
~*~  
  
*THUD*   
  
"Damn it, I keep running into the wall." Jade said, laughing gleefully, "Rey come give me a bump!"  
  
"Ok," he said speeding towards her.  
  
Before he could reach her, Eddie Guerrero sped up and nailed her halfway across the square boat pool.  
  
She sailed past the fountain in the center, getting sprayed with water and nailed Chavo who was fighting to smash Layce in the wall, the problem being that RVD was trying to smash HIM into the wall.  
  
This caused a chain reaction and RVD, bumper boat and all, went sailing out of the water and skidded around the parking lot for quite some time.  
  
"Come on, we're going back to the hotel now!" Stephanie said dragging Bitchy behind her as she called out the orders, "Everyone into the bus now!"  
  
"But some people are still wandering around..." Jade said, pausing as she stepped out of her bumper boat and remembered that Kaley and Jeff were off hunting for Skittles.  
  
"Oh! Look Rob, look at the pretty shooting stars!" Layce said, picking RVD off of the ground where his scraped up bumper boat had come to a rest. Little did she know what was the REAL cause of these astronomical wonders.  
  
"Wow dude, like, cool! I have never seen a shooting star before, not to mention two of them!" RVD said, rubbing his ass.  
  
"Me neither. I'm glad we're watching them together." Layce replied, grinning.  
  
"Bitchy, can't you get him to stop singing that Meow Mix commercial?" Stephanie asked, referring to Brock Lesnar who was still singing the Meow Mix song, although he had somehow realized he needed to get aboard the bus.  
  
"Hit him with something, I don't know." He responded, shrugging.  
  
~*~  
  
"Homes, this was the best idea you ever had." Eddie said laughing hysterically.  
  
"Yeah I know, this is great isn't it? But what are we going to do with these when we take all of them?" Chavo responded.  
  
Chavo continued to pop the bumper boats with a pin he had found on the ground and watch the rubber sink to the bottom as Eddie took the motors and loaded them into the back of the bus.  
  
"I don't know, bro. Esse, maybe we can sneak off somewhere tonight and sell them to someone." Eddie said.  
  
~*~  
  
"Eddie! Chavo! Let's go!" Stephanie called, herding everyone else onto the bus and seemingly not noticing what they were smuggling onto the vehical, "Bitchy what are we going to do about Mr. and Mrs. Rainbow?"  
  
"Do we dare send someone to look for them?" Bitchy asked, looking at her in the moonlight.  
  
"Nah, I think they'll be able to find their way back. Kaley said she was from around here, right?" Steph said dragging Tajiri and Funaki onto the bus, who were both laughin mischieveiously.  
  
"Now, who all are we missing..hmm... Let's see. Kaley and Jeff are searching for Skittles.. and planning to do other things; Trips and Flair are dead and in hell; Matt, Lita and Rhyno are.. somewhere; Kane and Undertaker are.. somewhere; Big Show and A-Train are still locked in the storage closet; John Cena is in the hospital in Madison; and.. Victoria is stranded in a tree. Oh yes, and Steven Richards is..missing. Correct?" Stephanie said turning to Bitchy.  
  
"Yeah, that's pretty much it for right now. Steven's head isn't missing, just his body. Otherwise, yeah. Let's get going." The almighty Bitch responded.  
  
"But where is Jazz?"  
  
~*~  
  
"Kaley," Jeff said worriedly, "Are you sure there are Skittles somewhere in this town?"  
  
"There should be," Kaley responded, "Let's keep going. WE MUST FIND SKITTLES!" She said psychopathically.  
  
"Believe me, I know. Let's try this store!" Jeff said excitedly and headed towards a convenience store on the other side of the street.  
  
"Yay! Jeffy they have Skittles!" Kaley shouted, earning disturbed glances from the person behind the counter and other customers in the store at the moment.  
  
"How many bags of Skittles do you have?" Jeff drawled, walking up to the counter, "I'll take them all, just ring up the price."  
  
"Ok, sir. Are you sure you want our whole stock?" The man asked curiously.  
  
"Hell yeah I'm sure, why wouldn't I ask something unless I meant it?" Jeff replied as Kaley burst out laughing.  
  
"Ok.. If you're sure... I'll be right back  
  
"This," the salesperson said five minutes later, lugging out a humongous box full of smaller boxes of Skittles, "is all I have. The total cost is $157.95."  
  
"Yes!" Kaley shouted as she watched him drag the box closer and closer to them, "Thank you soo much!"  
  
"Just out of curiosity, what exactly are you planning to do with these?" The man asked as Jeff handed him the money and picked up the box with ease.  
  
"Personal reasons. You don't wanna know." Kaley answered, turning to Jeff and laughing, "Thanks again!" She called behind them.  
  
"Hm..now we need to find a nice, sturdy tree." Jeff said, "Do you know a good one around here?"  
  
"Well, there's no trees in the middle of Main Street, we should go look in the woods over there."  
  
~*~  
  
"Hmm.. that didn't work, Matty? Why don't you try mixing them in a cup with Kool-Aid and then add in the mystical dust?" Lita asked from her spot on the hood of her rental car.  
  
"Good idea!" He shouted happily with a crazy grin on his face.  
  
"Crash," Lita whispered to Crash, "You NEED to find someone for Matt to entertain before he figures out it is just dirt."  
  
"Ok." Crash sighed, then snuck away before Matt could notice.  
  
Five minutes later, Crash returned. Matt was on his breaking point, and was very close to snapping on his new pets.  
  
"I swear, there is NOBODY in this town besides us. I'm sorry." Crash said quietly to Lita.  
  
"It's alright. Lets go back to the hotel now! Matty, we can try again tomorrow, nless the other have something planned." Lita said, gathering up Matt and his table and shoving both items into the rental car.  
  
~*~  
  
"Last one in the waterpark is a retard!" Kurt Angle shouted and took off running to his room to change.  
  
"Well we all know who that will be." Charlie Haas said looking at the bus which only contained a sleeping Hurrricane.  
  
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Hurricane snapped awake.  
  
"Call me what you wish, but I am not going swimming anyway! I'm going to play games!" The Hurricane stated, then ran off in the direction of the giant game room.  
  
"Dude, the only reason Hurricakey had been the last one out of the bus was because we are all going to order movies in our rooms!" RVD said to Haas before he bolted down the long hallway towards Jade and Rey's room. he was the last one of those watchign movies to reach that particular room.  
  
Shelton Benjamin came up behind Haas and slapped him ont he back playfully.   
  
"So I guess we're gunna crash their party, right?" Benny asked, but before he could receive an answer...  
  
"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! JAZZ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WITH STEVEN RICHARDS' BODY? HOW DID YOU ESCAPE? AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD!!!!!" Someone screamed from inside the hotel.  
  
~*~  
  
"I love you Jeff!" Kaley said into his ear.  
  
"Do you really? Who is Jacob? What did/ does he mean to you?" Jeff asked, sitting up in the tree they had claimed for the night. Sure it was cold, but only to people not as involved with each other as these two were.  
  
"Aw Jeff, can't we just drop it. I don't know anymore. I used to like him so much, but he just wouldn't see it. He liked making out with sluts that he had only known a couple months. Can we just drop it?" Kaley pleaded.  
  
"No, I want you to figure it out, for both of our sakes. What did he really mean to you?" Jeff pressed.  
  
"I loved him. But now I-I don't. I completely love you, Jeff, and gave up on Jacob so many years ago. Is that enough?"  
  
"I guess so." Jeff said, then kissed her.  
  
~*~  
  
"Oh my god, damn!" Lita shouted at Haas and Benny as they came into the lobby.  
  
Matt was wandering around the lobby, seeming not to notice the trail of blood streaking across the tiled floor leading to where Jazz was standing with the headless body of Steven Richards laying across her feet.  
  
"Jazz, did you know you can go to jail for that?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Slogan infringement!" Stone Cold shouted from the Ivory Coast.  
  
"Jazz do you know what you are doing?"  
  
"I think so," she responded dazedly, "Victoria paid me to do this before she left."  
  
"So how long had he been rotting around her and why are you JUST NOW getting to moving him?" Haas asked.  
  
"The smell was making me sick, so I waited until just now." And with that, the it passed out.  
  
"Well," Benny said, "lets just shove him into the elevator and leave him there to rot. You guys start mopping up the blood or something." He said, kicking Richards towards the center of the lobby.  
  
"Ok." The other Lita and Haas agreed, and went in search of a mop and some water.  
  
Crash had been trailing Matt arond the lobby.   
  
"Matt, maybe you need to rest. You're really freaking me out. In the morning you can teach me some more Mattitude, and it will all be ok." Crash said convincingly.  
  
"You know what, you little M-F'er? That's a good idea."  
  
~*~  
  
"Give the People's Champion the remote!"  
  
"Which one?"   
  
"The REAL People's Champ!"  
  
"No, let's just watch soaps!" Trish yelled over the crowd.  
  
"The King of the World would like the remote, you assclowns!" Jericho screeched.  
  
"Quiet, quiet, quiet!" Jade shouted in an attempt at silence.  
  
"Ya'll shut up, NOW!" Layce yelled, louder than all of the others.  
  
Bubba Ray Dudley jumped off of one of the many beds in the suite and landed on Jericho. He stood up, satisfied.  
  
"There. Maybe that will shut him up." He said then sat down next to D-Von on the bed.  
  
"For once I'm glad you did something like that." Trish said sitting down next to the other divas who were all stationed on their own bed, all except Jade that is, who was seated on the floor next to Rey amongst all the other guys.  
  
"Now then," Jade said standing up, "What movie are we going to watch?"  
  
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Hope you enjoyed! I don't have that much to say anymore, lol. 


	13. Duct Tape and Hell

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'll probably be writing a lot more on my trip! I can't wait! So here's the next chapter for now. Don't forget to please, please, please review if you haven't already!  
  
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"You little shit, let's just watch Anger Management!" Jericho shouted at Jade right off the bat.  
  
"Fine, maybe you can learn something from it." Jade said, then sat down next to Rey.  
  
"But I don't wanna watch that." Whined Matt Hardy, who had just snuck into the room.  
  
"Too damn bad, Mr. Mattitude-on-the-brain." Jade said.  
  
"Stop being so mean to me." Matt whimpered and went to the corner.  
  
~*~ Later ~*~  
  
"Ah, that was a good movie. See Matt? Aren't you glad you stayed? Even if it was just in the corner?" Rey said standing up and beginning to usher wrestlers out of his and Jade's room.  
  
"You stupid moron! I told you to stay awake and watch the movie!" Jade was shouting as she kicked Jericho in the ribs.  
  
"Calm down, it's not his fault he's stupid." Rey said gently.  
  
"Let's kick him out the door!" Jade said excitedly, noticing that all of the other wrestlers were gone, and began kicking him again.  
  
They then proceeded to kick Jericho out of the door.  
  
"Woo! That was fun." Rey said, shutting the door and walking with Jade wrapped in his arm, back towards their bed. They sat down.  
  
"Rey, what do you think about me?" Jade asked quietly.  
  
"Don't start this," Rey started, laughing, "I love you, remember?"  
  
"Ok, I was just wondering." Jade said with a smile as they hopped into bed.  
  
Just then a door slammed in the hallway.  
  
"Jeff, I can't believe the tree branch-OOF! WHO PUT HIM HERE?!-" A voice was heard in the hall, "God damn it Jericho, get out of here!"  
  
The force of Kaley kicking him as she ran into him, fully awoke Jerky-the-ho, and sent him spiraling down the hall quite a distance.  
  
"Hey!" He said, then scampered off down the hallway towards his lonely suite.  
  
"Ow. Anyway, I can't believe that stupid tree branch broke like that!"  
  
"Yeah, that's not cool! I guess we'll just have to sleep in a normal bed tonight, Kaley." Jeff responded sadly.  
  
Rey and Jade ran to the door. Rey tripped over his new title belt laying on the floor, but instead of falling on his face, he caught himself quick enough to do a full flip and continue out of the door.  
  
"I knew trees are cursed! I knew it-"  
  
"Trish, stop running around like a freaking psycho." Kurt Angle said as he walked past with a glass of milk.  
  
"Shut up and go give Big Show his daily allotment of breath mints!" Trish yelled back.  
  
"B-but I was already down there," Kurt said starting to cry, "I was already in the waterpark. I don't want to go back! The noises scared me!"  
  
"Oh," Kaley said noticing Rey and Jade in the doorway, "Did we wake up up?"  
  
"Si, pero esta bien." Rey responded.  
  
"Wha-?" Kurt asked through tears, Jeff asking the same question concurrently.  
  
" 'Yes, but it's okay.' " Jade said, laughing.  
  
At that point, Trish decided to make her escape, with Kurt's milk, too.  
  
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" Kurt said starting to cry, "Give me my milk back!" He shouted then ran after the woman, who was giggling non-stop.  
  
"Are you guys ok? I heard you fell out of a tree?" Jade asked with concern.  
  
"We didn't exactly fall out of a tree... the tree branch we were on kind of broke..." Jeff responded, looking at Kaley and laughing.  
  
"Oh, well, are you still ok?" Rey asked this time.  
  
"Yeah, thanks." Kaley said.  
  
"Well, good night, I guess." Jeff said.  
  
" 'Night." Jade and Rey said and closed their door.  
  
~*~ Morning ~*~  
  
"AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Kaley shouted as she burst through the door and jumped on the bed in which Jade and Rey were sleeping.  
  
Jeff jumped on the bed as well and they both started nailing the sleeping pair on the head with pillows they had brought with them.   
  
"Ow, shit! What are you crazies doing? How'd you get in here?" Jade asked as she socked Kaley with a pillow and knocked her onto the ground. Rey was busy nailing Jeff over the head with his pillow.  
  
"Ok, that's enough," Jade said sitting up on the bed and glancing at Jeff who was still clobbering Rey over the head with the pillow.  
  
"Yeah, before we actually injure each other," Kaley said.   
  
"We should get to breakfast early today so the other's minds won't wander too much like they did yesterday." Rey said winking at Jade.  
  
"I suppose so." Jeff said grabbing Kaley and running out the door.  
  
Rey jumped up and ran for one of the bathrooms, and Jade followed suit.  
  
~*~  
  
"Damn it, Jeff, leave the fire alone and get some food!" Kaley said.  
  
"What are we doing today, Bitchy?" Jericho asked.  
  
"Oh god no! Who let Kaley have the grape jelly?" The Rock screamed, "The Hurricane is bad enough, but not the Hurri-Kaley! How do you get her to change back?! Oh the insanity! The absolute craziness! The horror-"  
  
"We get the point! Shut the fuck up! All you have to do is give her the anecdote: apple juice!" Bitchy screamed across the buffet table.  
  
"Quick Jeff, we have to save your girlfriend!" Rocky shouted at Jeff, then turned to the chef who was dashing around with random plates of food, "Give me all the apple juice you got!"  
  
"How can I save her?" Jeff asked, confused.  
  
"Didn't you hear her?!" Rocky shouted hysterically. "I mean 'him'."  
  
"Yeah, but she's back to normal now anyway, you psycho." Jeff said coolly.  
  
"Now that you assclowns are finished debating about that freak over there, would you mind telling me what we're doing today?" Jericho yelled at Bitchy, again.  
  
"Oh, that's easy!" Stacy Keibler said happily, "We're going shopping!"  
  
A groan is heard from nearly all guys inthe vicinity.  
  
"Why in the blue/green hell would we all want to go shopping?" The Rock asked, seemingly composed once more and prepared for the next crisis.  
  
"Exercise?" Bitchy squeaked from Scott Steiner's grasp. "Put me down you stupid son of a bitch!"  
  
"Why such the naughty language, Bitchy?" Steiner asked, his eyes flashing dangerously.  
  
"Why are you trying to kill me?" The almighty man-bitch asked.  
  
"Oh my God! Oh my God, what is that!? We are all gunna die!" Rocky's voice was heard once again.  
  
"God damn," Jericho said turning on his heel and walking towards the Rock, "What...in the hell...is your- OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHO LET THOSE IN HERE?!!? OH MY GOD!"  
  
"WHAT IS IT!?" Stephanie shrieked.  
  
~*~  
  
"Do you think we should try to put Hell back together?" Undertaker asked calmly, sitting down on a chair on the balcony overlooking the outdoor waterpark.  
  
"Man, how do you think we would do that?" Kane asked doubtfully.  
  
"Duct tape?" 'Taker replied.  
  
"Could work. But where would we get that much?" Kane asked, still doutful.  
  
"Just ask George dubbya." 'Taker said jokingly.  
  
"Well, be realistic, man. Why don't we try to track down Satan? I'm sure this has happened before." Kane said, then growled.  
  
~*~  
  
"I want my mommy! Get those scary mascots away from me! We are gunna die!" Kurt cried looking in the direction that all of the other superstars in Ingraffias were looking in.  
  
"Quick! Grape jelly!" Kaley shouted, stuffed some of that purple mush in her mouth, then flew over to the two mascots, but THE Hurricane beat her to it.  
  
"You, citizen...goat...! And citizen...woodpecker..! I demand to know why you are intruding upon this..resort!" The Hurricane said, attempting to look tough.  
  
Muffled laughs are heard and the mascots begin chasing the two superheroes, while the Rock backed himself into a corner with wide eyes and began screaming hysterically and incoherently.  
  
"I'll save you Kaley!" Jeff shouted.  
  
"Stop..chasing...me! I demand justice!" Hurricane yelled as he ran for his life down one of the long, winding hallways.  
  
The two odd creatures with deformed heads stopped, looked at each other and nodded. They took off the heads of their costumes.  
  
"Oh my God!" Jeff burst out laughing and fell on the ground. Kaley came back to have a look, magically transforming into her normal powerless self.  
  
"Jade, Rey? What are you DOING?! You freaked the hell out of everyone!" Bitchy said.  
  
"See Jade, I told you they'd yell at us." Rey said accusingly.  
  
"So, it was fun anyway," Jade said, laughing some more, "We found the suits in a closet on the way down to Ingraffias and decided to have some fun!"  
  
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Whatcha think? Good? Bad? Ugly? Boring? I don't know, myself. I thougth it was kind of boring, nothing really happened. But oh well! Just continuing the plot. 


	14. Skittle McFlurries and Cow Stampedes

Wow!! Would you look at that? I haven't updated this thing in forever! So now, here's the next chapter (P.S.- I don't own McFlurries, McDonalds, Snickers, M&Ms, or cows, for that matter...I've never bought a cow. I should do that someday…) All right well anyway, here's the story:  
  
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"You know, that was ingenious. I mean, stealing those suits and making Rocky piss his pants." Jericho said.  
  
"Actually… it was really not that funny. But I do wonder where Kurt went... he looked like he was going to shit his pants at any moment-" Bitchy said, but was cut off.  
  
A form ran past, weaving in circles around the wrestlers gathered. The shoulders of the form were hunched and there was a blanket wrapped around the entire thing's body, so only a pair of gray/green eyes poked out between the folds.  
  
"Holy shit! It's the Hurricane! No! Get him away from the Rock!" The Rock said in partial truth, as the Hurricane was still running away from the bizarre creatures for all they knew.  
  
"Who in the Hell are you?" Jericho asked.  
  
"Why should I tell you?" A muffled voice asked from within the blanket.  
  
"Kurt, is that you? Why are you hiding?" Stephanie asked; she would know that form, if anyone.  
  
"Aw, no-" Kurt started, but before he could finish, Stephanie had pulled away the shroud.  
  
"Oh THE HORROR! No! My eyes are burning! Get me out of here! Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" Rocky shouted at the top of his lungs and began running around like a chicken with his head chopped off.  
  
"Kurt, I'm sure there's a very good reason for why you aren't WEARING ANY CLOTHES...Now, what is it?" Stephanie demanded hysterically, then began backing up.  
  
"Oohhh! Nice ass!" Kaley said, staring blatantly.  
  
"Hey!" Jeff said indignantly and started to pout.  
  
"Oh, Jeff, you have a great ass, too. Don't worry." Kaley said grinning.  
  
"Ahem! Well, remember how I ran off? I needed to change my clothes." Kurt explained, pulling the shrouding back around himself.  
  
"Did you get LOST?" Jade asked.  
  
"No, I just didn't have any clothes left." Kurt said whimpering.  
  
"And the point of you running out here was...?" Steph questioned.  
  
"I just wanted to go shopping with you guys!" Kurt said, tearing up.  
  
"Without clothes?" Jade said incredulously.  
  
"Yeah, That's why I'm wearing this blanket!" Kurt said with a smile and looking hopefully towards Stephanie.  
  
"Ok, but let's go because it's already past noon. Kurt, if you get arrested, I swear to God I am NOT bailing you out!" Steph said, leading the group out of the door.  
  
~*~ Downtown Wisconsin Dells ~*~  
  
"Everybody out! Now!" Barked Bitchy.  
  
"What if some people are stuck in their seats?" Torrie Wilson asked looking at Rikishi.  
  
"Who cares! They still have to get off the damn bus!" The Bitch yelled from outside on the parking lot pavement.  
  
"But... he literally CAN'T!" Torrie shouted back, then attempted to pull the Kish out of the seat.  
  
Torrie fell backwards with a screech onto a passing Jeff Hardy who was attempting to exit the bus at that time.   
  
"Did you seriously think you could get him out of there?" Kaley asked as both she and Jeff began tugging at Mr.Phat.  
  
Finally Rikishi was free and all of the superstars began trooping down the sidewalk. Jeff mumbled something about "that's exactly why mothers shouldn't spoil their kids...there's not always someone there to pull them out!"  
  
~*~  
  
"So you think we can put Hell back together?" Kane asked.  
  
"Well, in theory, I should be able to use my demonic powers to put it back together...SO we could try that..." Satan explained unenthusiastically.  
  
"Ok, sounds good enough to me! Let's try it!" 'Taker shouted happily.  
  
Satan spins around in a circle and stops, the Brothers of Destruction staring at him blankly.  
  
"What in the Blue Hell was the point of that?" Kane asked looking annoyed.  
  
"Slogan infringement!" The Rock shouted, popping up out of nowhere then just as quickly disappeared.  
  
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiight... well, anyway, what was the point of that stupid twirling?" Kane asked again.  
  
"Shush! Damn it, I'm not finished yet!" Satan said, a pained expression on his face.  
  
"Damn! Watch where you are flinging those damn flame balls!" Undertaker yelled at Satan as he began whirling in circles again, this time with flames shooting out of the tips of his fingers, each flame planting itself into the ground and beginning to grow rapidly into bushes of fire.  
  
Jeff pops out of thin air.  
  
"Woah...Fire...Cool...!" he says, staring at the continuously growing flame-bushes and moving slowly towards the nearest one.  
  
Kaley, of course, is right on his tail.  
  
"Jeff, I told you to stay away from-"  
  
"Get out of Hell!" Satan snarled at the pair.  
  
"Usually people to tell me to GO to Hell…Anyways, this is Hell? This is pretty lame..." Kaley said, glancing at the flaming bushes, "Let's go, Jeffy. I want to actually go shopping!"  
  
And with that, both disappeared.  
  
"So...Exactly what is the point of these bushes?" Kane asked eyeing them curiously.  
  
"The bushes will continue to grow, they will form walls... and when they grow tall enough, they'll grow across the invisible barrier far above us to form Hell's new ceiling." Satan huffed impatiently.  
  
"Oh. That makes sense." Kane responded simply.  
  
~*~  
  
"Dude, we're all walking around like a mob? What if we scare some little kiddies?" RVD asked from where he was walking down the middle of the street, proving his thoughts on looking like a mob; there wasn't enough space on the sidewalk therefore many of the wrestlers were spilling out onto the road.  
  
"What?!" Stephanie shouted from the safety of the sidewalk.  
  
"Stop stealing my damn line!" Stone Cold shouted.  
  
"I was asking if we were going to split up into smaller groups!" Shouted RVD over the beeping of car horns behind him, "So some of us don't get killed and/or run over!"  
  
"Oh! Sure, that's a great idea!" Steph shouted.  
  
Immediately, groups of twos, threes, and fours ran off, leaving Steph, Stone Cold and the loser named Eric Bischoff.  
  
"Hey, why didn't you run off somewhere with HHH? Oh yeah, because he's DEAD! Ahahahahaha!" Bitchy screamed at Stephanie out of nowhere.  
  
"Shut up!" She yelled, then punched him out. "Do you think we should drag him behind us?" She asked, turning to Austin.  
  
"Nah, just leave him here and if we come back this was we can see if he's still there."  
  
"Works for me!" Steph said happily.  
  
~*~  
  
"Scott, let's go in this store." Stacy said urgently.  
  
"Ummm…ok..." Scott said hesitantly; Barbies didn't exactly appeal to him.  
  
Stacy shut the door behind him and hurried to the nearest aisle.  
  
"Scott, I think we're being followed..." Stacy whispered.  
  
"Er, by who?" Steiner asked stupidly.  
  
"Well, who do you think would follow us? That loser, Test!" Stacy said, nearly shouting at him.  
  
"Ok...why does it matter so much? He's too stupid to actually do anything to us!" Scott said, "Now can we PLEASE get out of here?"  
  
~*~  
  
"So, what store do you want to start it?" Rey asked candidly.  
  
"I dunno," Jade said, shielding her eyes from the sun and reading the signs above the doors of the shops on their side of the street. Her eyes wandered across the street and-  
  
"HOLY SHIT! What in the fucking Hell?" Jade shrieked uncharacteristically and pointed down the street, but it was unnecessary because the creatures were coming straight at them.  
  
"Where the fuck did those damned cows come from?" Rey shouted.  
  
"I dunno, but get in here before you get trampled!" Jade shouted, holding open the door of a McDonalds that they had just happened to be walking past.  
  
Surprisingly, Rey and Jade weren't the only ones who had come into the fast food restaurant for shelter from the rampaging cows. On the TV over the seating area, there was a special alert similar to a tornado alert flashing across the screen.  
  
"This is a Public Service Announcement. Attention residents, there seems to be an immensely large herd of cows overtaking the area. It is asked that you stay away from windows and do not attempt to go outside to photograph this event. Cows are extremely hazardous when provoked and it is unnecessary to do so."  
  
In response, some people where shouting back to the TV that you would have to be stupid to do go outside during a stampede and others were throwing assorted items at the TV.  
  
Jamie Noble was, one-by-one, smuggling the donation boxes which were loosely attached to the counters and handing them to Nidia, who, in turn, was placing them just outside the back door of the restaurant.  
  
Meanwhile, Jeff and Kaley were standing at the counter debating with one of the cashiers.  
  
"But I still don't see why there aren't Skittle McFlurries!" Jeff said.  
  
"Sir, I've told you this already. We don't HAVE mini-Skittles. Normal-sized Skittles would be too big for the malt mixer."  
  
"But you have almost every other candy flavor Butterfinger, M&Ms, Snickers..." Jeff replied, counting on his hands.  
  
"Yes, but no one has invented mini-Skittles..."  
  
"Look, can I just try it?" Jeff asked, digging in his pocket and pulling out a large bag of Skittles, "Chop them up or something?"  
  
"Well, I guess you could try it, since I recognize you from T.V."  
  
"I don't even believe that." Jade said with a smile as Jeff walked happily behind the counter towards the McFlurry machine on the opposite wall.  
  
"Yeah, it's too bad we don't have any Doritos or you know I'd sure as Hell be back there with Jeff! What's better than ice cream and Doritos?" Rey said, but before Jade could answer, Steph caught Jamie sneaking around with the donation boxes.  
  
"Jamie, you just inherited over 800k and you're back to stealing from the poor already?" Stephanie asked from the corner.  
  
"What, ma'am? I don't have any idea what you are talking about!" Jamie replied, placing the box he was holding at the moment behind his back and trying to look as inconspicuous as possible.  
  
"Ah, man, you think I'm stupid?" Quick as a cat, Steph had crossed the room and was now in his face. "You're supposed to be at Applebee's! Now get out!" Having said that, Steph opened the door and threw both Jamie and Nidia into the sea of cows in the street where they were carried off.  
  
Almost as soon as Steph sat back down in her seat, the door burst open and in stepped a beat-up looking Chris Benoit.  
  
"What happened to you?" Jeff asked as he took his first spoonful of the self-made Skittle McFlurry.  
  
"I was trying to stop Rhyno from running with the cows, but it didn't work so well. So he's still running around chasing cows. He's not the only one. I saw Victoria dumping boxes of spiders onto the backs of passing cows, and when she ran out of spiders, she jumped on the back of the closest cow ... it was quite frightening." Benoit said, looking at Jeff like he was going to jump on him.  
  
"Er... Chris, do you want something?" Jeff asked cautiously.  
  
"Give me something to drink! I'm dying of thirst!" Chris returned.  
  
  
  
"Oh, right..." Jeff said as Kaley grabbed a coke off of the counter and handed it to the Rabid Wolverine.  
  
~*~Three Hours Later~*~  
  
"God damn it, it's 5:00 and those damned cows are still going past! I've heard the song, 'The Farmer in the Dells,' but this is insane! I don't see any farmers around here, just stupid fucking cows!" Stephanie burst out.  
  
"I'm a farmer! And here's my fan fiction sheep!" Said a guy with overalls on, shaggy, dirty blonde hair and a sheep using a laptop next to him.  
  
"Fine, I've seen a damned farmer, too!" Steph shrieked at the same time Jade screamed and fell over.  
  
"Um, Jade...wanna get up now?" Rey asked.  
  
"Kaley...Where's Kaley..? Oh there you are. Tell me I did NOT just see Tony!"  
  
"Er, you did... I punched him out for you, though." Kaley replied.  
  
"Yeah, I jumped him, too!" Jeff said, grinning so you could see his multi-color tongue.  
  
"Steph, if the cows ever go away, will we get to go shopping some more?" Asked the voice from within the blanket-mass next to her in the booth.  
  
"No, we have to go back to the hotel as soon as they go away, it's too late to shop more." Steph responded.  
  
"B-but... I need clothes!" Kurt exclaimed, sitting bolt upright, the blanket nearly falling off of him.  
  
"Sorry Kurty, you'll just have to do some laundry back at the hotel. And besides, it's almost your bedtime! Here, have some milk." Steph said consolingly.  
  
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That's it! I don't own Barbies (who would want to?). The Public Service Announcement was made up by a good friend of mine…I'll copyright it for him! Woohoo! Yay David! I'm ok now. Tony is a scary student teacher I had who looks just like I described him above.. 


	15. Who is a Hooker?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for not writing in a while. This story's coming closer to an end! Oh my! When this one's over, look for the "Superstars go to Washington D.C."! It could be interesting! Spanish translations at the bottom of the page…  
  
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Looking out the window towards a building next to the McDonalds she was currently taking shelter in, Jade noticed there were faces peering back at her through the dust floating about outdoors from the cow's hooves. Familiar faces, at that.  
  
"Are all the other wrestlers in there?" Jade asked, tapping the glass pane to indicate what she was talking about after a few moments of blank stares from those nearest to her.  
  
"They must be. Looks like a crowd in there." Stephanie responded then walked up to the counter. "Where's a manager? Thank you.  
  
What's the phone number for that place next door?" she asked, jerking a thumb in the direction of the dust-covered window by which Jade was still standing.  
  
"Oh…Um, yes. Here it is." The girl said then handed Steph a small piece of paper.  
  
"Now give me a phone, please."  
  
"There are payphones-"  
  
'No, a real phone."  
  
"But you are not authorized-"  
  
"I sure as hell am! I'm a McMahon, the billion-dollar princess, the-"  
  
"Um, ok Steph, we don't need nor want to hear about all of your 'titles.' Maybe some other time." Rey said grabbing the slip of paper containing the number from between her fingers and facing the manager Steph had been "speaking" to. "May I please use your special telephone?" he asked, batting his eyelashes and smiling sweetly at the manager as everyone else burst out laughing uncontrollably.  
  
Kurt fell on the floor, but his wrappings were apparently caught in the seat and he fell with his bare ass upon the tiles, only causing more laughter and falling upon the floor amongst the onlookers as he scrambled back to his seat and wrapped up again, a glowing red face the only thing you could see now.  
  
Just then Bischoff walked in the door and was nearly sideswiped.  
  
"God damn it Rocky, get back here!" Bitchoff yelled at the Rock as he ran past him, shrieking with his eyes covered, and exited through the door into the relentless stream of cows where he was swept away immediately.  
  
"Oh, fuck." Jeff said.  
  
"You said it." Chris Benoit replied.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, um… what are you talking about?"  
  
"I drank all of my Skittle McFlurry!" Jeff exclaimed.  
  
Jade fell on the floor laughing.  
  
"Jeff, I thought you had something useful to contribute for once!" Bitch said indignantly, "We just lost a lot of revenue because you," he glanced accusatorily at Kurt, "scared the People's Champion out of his sanity!"  
  
All at once a flurry of argument broke out.  
  
"I think he was already missing some of his sanity." Rey remarked.  
  
"It was important! All you can think about is money, you moron!" Kaley shouted, dragging Jeff and his empty cup towards the McFlurry machine on the wall.  
  
"Hey! Rey made me laugh! It's not my fault!" Kurt said defensively; or in an attempt at defense, it sounded more like whimpering.  
  
"But you could wear clothes, you know!" Bitch yelled back.  
  
"I already-" Kurt started but by then Steph had descended upon the Bitch.  
  
"You've lost revenue? What about Rhyno? You stole Rocky from my show in the first place! Rhyno's never coming back, now that he's joined his own species, to some degree at least!" She screeched.  
  
"Rhyno was worth nothing! You know what, I think someone just hates RAW! They're targeting it or something…I mean, Trips is dead…Naitch is dead...Steven Richards is dead. Victoria is-"  
  
"That's ok, really. No one wants to hear it. NO ONE! So just…Shush!" Jade said, gazing out the window once again. "What the fuck? She's gunna get herself killed! I have to see this!" Jade said pressing her face close to the glass.  
  
"Who? What? What's happening?" A number of voices demanded behind her.  
  
"Er…Jazz is…well, look for yourself," she said gesturing at the window beside her with an amazed look on her face.  
  
They all found out soon enough what has stunned Jade. Jazz was outside the building next to McDonalds, standing over the carcass of a bloodied cow, using a long knife to skin the creature expertly.  
  
"What is she gunna do? Isn't that illegal?" Kaley asked, who had just finished helping Jeff make another Skittle McFlurry.  
  
"Do we want to know?" Jade said, answering her questions with yet another, as she watched Jazz place the skin around herself in the shape of some sort of Middle-Eastern Robe.  
  
"Wow…how could she do that?" Steph asked.  
  
"Simple, I could do it easily. Kurt, you'd like a nice robe like that, wouldn't you?" Brock said standing up.  
  
"Oh really? I bet I could make mine way better, and with pretty colors, too!" Kurt said, also standing up.  
  
Before any of the stunned onlookers could respond, they had gone out the side entrance. A few moments later, Kurt returned wrapped in cow skin.  
  
"That's revolting!" Kaley said disgustedly.  
  
"Where's Brock?" Steph asked cautiously; she didn't need to lose another Superstar, much less the WWE Champion.  
  
"He saw that new girl, Gail Kim, in the window of that other place and ran in there real quick. Quite the entertainment-"  
  
"Well," Rey began as he placed the phone back on the cradle attached to the wall, "I just talked to Jericho, next door-"  
  
"Oooh…That must have been a pain in the ass!" Jade interrupted.  
  
"Yeah, that's why it took so long. So anyway, we're meeting them out back in about ten minutes. They noticed there were some milk-"  
  
"Where? Where's milk?" Kurt asked excitedly.  
  
"Mil-"  
  
"Where?!"  
  
"Kurt-"  
  
"Where is it?"  
  
"I just-"  
  
"Tell me!"  
  
"I already-"  
  
"I want milk!!"  
  
"You would find out if-"  
  
"WAAAAAAHHH!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Rey finally shouted, spouting anger not usually seen.  
  
"I'm sorry-"  
  
But before he could finish his apology, Steph placed a hand over his mouth. "Continue, if you please." She said to Rey.  
  
"Right. As I was saying, there are some milk trucks," he paused as something muffled emitted from behind Steph's hand, "Which we are apparently stealing to get us back to the Kalahari. We may have to take the…um…back way." Rey explained quickly in case of his words affecting any of his other colleagues and inducing them to violent reactions.  
  
"What is the back way?" Bitch asked, sneering.  
  
"Mainly fields and a bit of forest…" Rey said, "So we should get going now." He had barely finished his sentence before Kurt broke free of Steph's grasp and hurtled towards the back door.  
  
The other wrestlers all jumped into the waiting milk trunks. Kurt was so involved in drinking milk that he didn't notice Kaley sneaking up behind him with a pair of scissors until she poked his ass with the sharp blades.  
  
"Ahhh! What are you doing?" Kurt exclaimed.  
  
"I thought you new clothes needed a butt flap." Kaley said grinning as she lifted up the flap to admire Kurt's ass, but both he and Jeff swatted her hand away.  
  
"Kaley, I told you to leave his ass alone. You can play with mine, remember?" Jeff said sternly.  
  
"Does anyone have any pins? Anyone at all?" Kurt asked, "Or am I going to have to kill another creature?"  
  
"They're called cows, Kurt." Brock said. Both he and Gail had joined the McDonalds group in the first milk truck.  
  
"Are you guys ready to go?" Steph asked from the drivers seat.  
  
Everyone chimed in with a "yes" except Kurt.  
  
"No, no one has answered my question! I need pins!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Hat pins, bobby pins, what kind of pins?" Steph responded.  
  
"What ever will fix this!" he said in near hysterics as he turned around to model the butt flap.  
  
"Oh, don't use pins! Your ass isn't that bad!" Steph said then got the truck moving. "Hold on everyone, this might be a bit bumpy." And with that, they were off.  
  
"Can they damage this truck?" Rey asked looking out the window at the cows that were charging the trucks at random.  
  
"We'll go fast enough so that we don't find out…hopefully." Steph said.  
  
They entered a grove of widely spaced trees, and Steph shut up so she could concentrate on steering safely around them. At one point she slammed on the brakes to avoid a squirrel that had jumped out of a tree and landed in front of them. There was a loud thud.  
  
"Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow! Mix! Meow mix!" Brock started singing.  
  
"Oh man, not Mr. Schizophrenic again! And we can't hit him again or he'll start that Bacon Bits shit or something!" Jade said.  
  
"Sure we can!" said Kurt as he bashed Brock over the head.  
  
"Hello," Brock said smiling, "Can I offer you my services tonight, young man?"  
  
"Oh damn! Who is he now? Sable or Dawn Marie?" Jade asked, amidst hysterics.  
  
"I don't know," Kurt said as he began backing up in the limited space available, "But I'm not sticking around close enough to find out!"  
  
"Don't be scared, baby," Brock said in a soft, soothing voice, "We'll have lots of fun."  
  
"Who are you?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Why does it matter? You'd love me anyway, wouldn't you?" he asked, batting his eyelashes.  
  
"Yeah…sure, sure…What is your name?" Kurt said distractedly.  
  
"I'm Sable, baby! Ravish me!" Brock said as he jumped on Kurt.  
  
"Oh fuck! I'm dying! Get him OFF me! Help! Get her-it-him-Brock-cat-bacon-Sable-who ever he is-OFF ME! AHHHHHHHHH! Help!" Kurt said, all in a short capacity of time before someone picked Brock up (not very easily) and threw him into a crate of milk jugs, each of which shattered and sprayed milk everywhere.  
  
Brock stood up immediately and began swaggering around.  
  
"We lie, we cheat, we steal! Ah, I love mi mamasitas! ¿Donde esta Chavolito?" Brock asked.  
  
"Here I am, homes. Who you want to rob today, esse?" He asked, answering himself.  
  
He's…uh…never done this before, has he?" Jade asked as Rey walked over to Brock and tried tricking him.  
  
"Hola. Esse, el es un mentiroso mayor! Yo soy, Chavo…El es una chica, en cambio. ¿Como-"  
  
Seeing Brock's face cut him off with the torrent of Spanish.  
  
"What? What did you say, esse?" Brock asked, confused.  
  
Having succeeded in his mission, Rey nailed him over the head then winced as he waited to see who would be talking next. But instead of saying anything, Brock went over to a crate of milk cartons and sat down. Before anyone could respond to the latest bizarre occurrences, or attempt to talk to Brock, the Kalahari came into sight.  
  
"Looks like Rocky-" Steph started, but stopped mid-sentence, "What the hell is he doing?"  
  
Everyone stared out the windows as the Rock and a bull cow circled each other. Both snorted then Rocky pawed the ground with his foot and charged at the bull.   
  
"Good way to get killed." Jeff remarked uninterestedly.  
  
As his head contacted that of the bull's, there was a thunk, then Rocky flew into the air and landed in some shrubbery.  
  
"I wonder if he's ok?" Steph asked amid Bitchy's shouts of glee.  
  
"Yay! He's not dead, he's not dead! He's not dead, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Bitchy shouted.  
  
"Yeah…poor cow." Kaley said sympathetically.  
  
"I was talking about the Rock." Steph said quietly.  
  
"Oh." Kaley said then burst out laughing.  
  
As all of the milk trucks unloaded and everyone ran inside to avoid being trampled, Stephanie called out above the noise.  
  
"I want everyone, including Bitchy's lot, in their rooms right away! Tomorrow's the last day here and I want everyone calmed down and ready for the big battle at Wrestlemania!" She exclaimed.  
  
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Spanish Translations:  
  
"¿Donde esta Chavolito?" - "Where is Chavolito?"  
  
"Hola. Esse, el es un mentiroso mayor! Yo soy, Chavo…El es una chica, en cambio. ¿Como-" - "Hi. Esse, he is a major liar! It's me, Chavo… he is a girl, instead. What-?"  
  
---------------End Spanish Translations---------------  
  
Hope you liked that chapter!! That's all from me for now! Lol. 


	16. Hell's Elves Not Bells

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey everyone. Sorry it's been a while since I've written anything, lol. I've been REALLY busy.   
  
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"Ok people, today's the final day before Wrestlemania XX, so I thought we should go on a little Nature Walk. It'll be good for you guys and it'll give you lots of exercise!" Steph addressed the gathering of superstars in the lobby.  
  
Rey yawned, "But this early? It's four in the morning!"  
  
"Yes, the earlier you start, the more exercise you get." Steph responded enthusiastically.  
  
"No, no, NO! This is stupid!" Bitchy screeched.  
  
"Shut up, you tard, you actually need the exercise. Where's Heyman? He needs it too!" Jade said.  
  
"Are there trees? Lots of them?" Jeff asked anxiously.  
  
"Well…we are going to be in a FOREST." Steph replied.  
  
"Ok, just checking. Hey, isn't that Edge?" Jeff said looking confused as he watched Edge parade past looking like a zombie.  
  
"Edge! Hello…Adam? Wake up!" Steph said, chasing after him.  
  
"Wha-? Oh. Hi there, Stephanie." Edge said, coming out of his strange daze.  
  
"Edge, what are you doing up here?" Kaley asked.  
  
"Well, I found out from Shane that you guys were all here, so I figured I'd join you just in time for Wrestlemania. My doctor cleared me a while ago and I've been in OVW too long." Edge explained.  
  
"Yay! You're back! Hurray!" Jade and Kaley said simultaneously.  
  
"AHEM! If I have to go on this little 'Nature Walk,' I want to go NOW so I can get this over with!" Bitchy shouted at the group, all of which had gathered quickly around Edge, despite the early hour.  
  
"Dude, are you coming with us on the Walk?" RVD asked Edge as the others started moving towards the door.  
  
"Oh…Well, I might as well. It'll help get my legs back in shape."  
  
"Right. Let's go. Now!" Bitch yelled from the doorway to where the others were waiting.  
  
~*~  
  
Once outside, the superstars noticed that the cows had mostly gone away.  
  
"How'd you manage that, ass clown?" Jerky-the-ho asked.  
  
"Um, what? The cows?" Bitchoff asked.  
  
"What the hell did you think he meant? How'd you make the sky blue?" Steph said in a hostile tone. It was obviously too early for HER.  
  
"Whoa. The sky is blue?" Bitch asked.  
  
"Yeah, it is, you dumb ass. Isn't it amazing? Now walk!" Jade said with Rey beside her. "Do we have enough Doritos to the last the whole day?" She asked Rey.  
  
"Of course. You guys got enough Skittles to last you?" he asked Kaley.  
  
"We had better, or this Nature Walk is going to be taking a detour to a store and then to a tree for a while!" Kaley said evilly.  
  
Jericho overheard them talking about their foods of choice and started pulling on Steph's arm. "We don't have any food. Are we going to die on the Nature Walk?"  
  
"Some of you will if you continue to act like kindergartners!" she responded darkly as Jericho scuttled off to his friends- wait, does he have friends?  
  
~*~  
  
"Come ON! Come out of there, you don't look that bad. Really. We'll but you a wig. Maybe a new mask! I swear." Undertaker said pleadingly.  
  
"How the hell long has he been in there?" Satan asked.  
  
"Well…let's see…Since hell got recreated and one of those shit-eating ghost-creatures took his mask!" 'Taker responded.  
  
"How is it my fault?"  
  
"I didn't say it was. But I SHOULD blame you, since you're the only person around at the moment."  
  
"Well, uh, look at it this way. There's nothing that's not already burning around here…"  
  
Just then a bunch of wooden furniture popped out of nowhere and Kane began torching the items.   
  
"Or…I could be wrong, I guess it works that way…" Satan murmured to himself.  
  
Kane laughed gleefully until all of the items were reduced to charred cinders. More furniture appeared but 'Taker intervened.  
  
"Ok, man, it's time to go back above ground!" He said. And they disappeared.  
  
~*~  
  
They hadn't been in the woods more than five minutes before Molly Holly began begging for a rest stop.  
  
"Fine, we'll stop if you shut up." Stone Cold said.  
  
"How is she the Women's Champion, anyhow?" Ivory asked Trish, who was beside her.  
  
"I don't know, ask Gail Kim…if you can pry her away from Brock long enough to question her." She responded.  
  
"What is he, some French Diplomat now?" Layce asked, joining into the conversation, "I don't even know what a diplomat is!"  
  
"Me neither." said Trish.  
  
Meanwhile, Kaley, Jade, Rey, and Jeff had stopped in a more secluded clearing, farther away from the rest of the group's area. Kaley and Jade were standing up when a bizarre form jumped out of the tree above them and landed on Kaley.  
  
"What the- mmf- Help- mmf!" she screamed.  
  
"Ahhh! How did that goddamned hobo find us?" Jade asked, "Jeff, go stop him!" she yelled, then began sprinting after Jake herself.  
  
"Why are you here? You're supposed to be dead!"  
  
"Ahhh…but I love you now, Kaley." Jacob said.  
  
Kaley exchanged skeptical looks with Jade.  
  
"You're still supposed to be dead!" Kaley said as Jeff ran up to them with an object in his hand.  
  
"Kaley! I have grape jelly!" He shouted as he grew nearer.  
  
"I don't need that right now, Jeffy. Thanks…where did you get it anyway?" She responded, still staring at Jacob.  
  
"Why should she drop Jeff for you, Jake? You are a mini-golf course hobo! Plus you said that Jeff is a bad wrestler!" Jade said accusatorily.  
  
"Hey!" Jeff said indignantly as he jumped up and started digging up dirt. Soon a large hole appeared.  
  
Jake had been watching, horrified. "Nooooooooooo! You can't bury me! I'm still alive."  
  
"That's the point." Jade said as she and Kaley held him tight so he couldn't ran away.  
  
Jeff finished the hole and they dragged Jacob into the pit.  
  
"Look at it this way. At least we're not throwing you into a flaming pit like the Brothers of Destruction would've done!" Kaley said cheerily.  
  
They covered the hole then started back to the main group. As soon as they were within sight, Layce approached Kaley and Jade.  
  
"In your educated opinion, are chocolate chips a good thing to use during sex? Like Skittle sex?" Layce said as the pair she was addressing exchanged amused glances once again.  
  
"Well, I've never tried THAT before, but you could try it…" Kaley said.  
  
"Yeah…me neither. But I would think they would melt?" Jade said.  
  
"Yes! I'll use M&M's! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand! Rob will like that!" Layce said maniacally, then run off.  
  
"Riiiiight…" Jade said and they followed the group again.  
  
~*~ Five hours later ~*~  
  
A ghostly form brushed past several members of the Nature Walk.  
  
"What the hell it going on?" Kaley asked as something attached itself to her left leg. "Damn it Jacob! I thought you were dead…Again!" She reached down to remove his hands but hers went right through them.  
  
"Aw damn, I knew killing him was a bad idea!" Jade said.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"If a person is killed, or their soul is at unease because of a personal problem or something else in their life when they die, they don't leave this plane. I mean, their body goes, but their image and their soul remain forever unless you find one of those specialists who teaches ghosts how to move on." Jade explained.  
  
"Oh." Kaley said, kicking at Jacob unsuccessfully. "That's not cool. Why didn't you say that before?"  
  
"I don't know. Say you're sorry and you love him."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Oh, why are Flair and Trips here?" Jade asked.  
  
"Bugging Steph out of her mind." Rey said, "Steven Richard's…headless…ghost is here, too. Since he is headless, he can't find Victoria."  
  
"Hah!" Jade and Kaley burst out laughing and Rey grinned.  
  
~*~ At the head of the Nature Walk party ~*~  
  
"I said Nature Walk not Nature Boy!" Steph shouted.  
  
"I believe it is time to get the hell out of here." Stone Cold shouted back.  
  
"Ok!" Bitch yelled, then turned around, "We're going back now!" he said to the superstars amidst all of the shouting and altogether chaos.  
  
~*~ Back in Back ~*~  
  
They all turned around, and Jeff's group of four waited until everyone, including the ghosties, had passed before they resumed their walking.  
  
Thunk.  
  
"Ah fuck! What the hell was that?" Jade said, rubbing her head. "Why the hell are hockey pucks being chucked at me!?"  
  
Mini-golf course hobo number two, Cody, jumped out of a nearby tree with a hockey stick and started beating Jericho over the head with it. He sustained multiple bruises and cuts before the retard could be removed from him.  
  
Cody ended up chasing all of them back to the hotel. Once there, he gave up after they locked him out of the whole building. He then jumped onto a random wandering cow and rode away into the sunset.  
  
"Oh good grief. Let's go pack." Jade said as she watched him ride away.  
  
~*~  
  
"Mark! You moron! Where are we?" Kane asked.  
  
"Well, I think we are in Timbuktu!" Undertaker said.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"No, literally. It's a small town in Africa."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Uh…yeah…I just said that, didn't I?"  
  
"Oh. Cool. Now I can burn all these little huts!"  
  
"Cool, but hurry, we have to get back to the Kalahari soon." Undertaker relented.  
  
"Hurray!" Kane said amongst screams of alarm and the sound of crackling fire.  
  
Once he set the final house ablaze, he ran back to the Undertaker.  
  
"Ok. Let's go. I'm happy." Kane said with a horrible grin on his face.  
  
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Hope you like it! The next chapter should be the last one, but we'll see. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to end this, besides with the Wrestlemania XX match. 


	17. DOI DOI DOI

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think this chapter is the last of this story! Lol. Please review once you read it!  
  
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"What do you say, how about some Skittle sex for the road?" Kaley asked.  
  
"We don't leave until the morning." Jeff said.  
  
"I know, but we can start now!!" Kaley said deviously.  
  
"Ok, that would be good!" Jeff said grinning happily.  
  
~*~  
  
"Rey, I brought some of my special tapes. We should watch them." Jade said from her place on the bed.  
  
"What tapes?" he asked.  
  
"Tapes of some of your matches, all in a row!" Jade said with a grin, "I edited out all the stuff in between so it is just a bunch of your matches squashed together from the past year."  
  
Let's see…there's matches form January (last year of course), February, March, April, May, June, July, and August," she said, reading off the notes on the first tape. She picked up the second one. "Then September, October, November, December, January this year, and February!"  
  
"Interesting…I guess so…But I'm going to get something to eat first. Start without me." Rey said, a bit embarrassed.   
  
"Ok!" Jade said happily and slipped a tape into the VCR.  
  
~*~  
  
"How am I going to get rid of him? Or…I should say…them…" Steph asked Stone Cold worriedly on the phone.  
  
"Well, I can help you with the all-mighty Bitch, but you're on your own with Trips. Ghosts aren't my area, dontcha know." Steve said on the other end.  
  
"Thank you. Please hurry. I really would like to sleep. Do you remember the plan we're unveiling tomorrow for the special match?" Steph asked.  
  
"Of course. Maybe we'll tell Bitch a couple minutes before we tell the others. Bye now."  
  
"Yeah," Steph said with a little laughter, "Bye." She hung up the phone and walked to the door.  
  
"Bitchy, you're in trouble now. Go away!" Steph said as she opened the door. "Hunter, why are you here? Why have you come back? Why, why, why?"  
  
Bitch scampered off and the transparent form of Trips said nothing.  
  
"Fine, then I'm not talking to you either, asshole." Steph said, slamming the door shut, turning off the lights and flopping into bed.  
  
~*~  
  
"Are we there yet? Are we?" Kane asked.  
  
"Shut the hell up." Undertaker said crossly.  
  
"No. I just want to know where we are."  
  
"We are in the Atlantic Ocean."  
  
"Is that close to Wisconsin?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Aren't you supposed to know?"  
  
"Maybe. Just shut up or we won't get there. Ever."  
  
~*~  
  
"They didn't have any Doritos." Rey said grumpily.  
  
"Oh dear. What the hell are we going to do now?"  
  
"I dunno. Let's just go to bed."  
  
"All right."  
  
~*~ Morning ~*~  
  
"That was great. But now we have to get ready to go to Green Bay." Kaley said somberly, rolling out of bed and walking to the bathroom.   
  
Jeff followed with the bag of Skittles and they continued what they had been doing…in the shower.  
  
~*~  
  
"The horror! The absolute horror!" Jade said. "I think I lost one of my tapes!"   
  
"You probably already packed it." Rey said calmly; After all, he didn't care too much that it was missing.  
  
"Oh all right." Jade replied as a knock sounded on the door.  
  
"Are you guys ready to go?" Jeff called from the other side of the door. "Kaley wanted me to ask you."  
  
"Yeah, almost." Rey said closing one of their suitcases and launching it at the door, which promptly busted open.  
  
"Shit man, be careful." Jeff said, jumping out of the way just as the suitcase skimmed over the ground where he had been standing.  
  
"Oh. Sorry." Rey said. Jade ran out into the hallway with her suitcase and Jeff went to get Kaley as they headed towards the lobby.  
  
~*~  
  
"Did you lose our special Rock again?" Layce asked RVD.  
  
"I put it out on the balcony, it should be there." Rob responded from near the ice chest he had just taken a soda from.  
  
"Ok. That will need it's own luggage cart!"  
  
"Ok, let's go then."  
  
~*~  
  
"Are you all ready for Wrestlemania?" Steph addressed the zombies gathered around her.  
  
They all paused from eating to say a quick "yes," then went back to their food.  
  
"I sure hope you sum bitches are," Austin said and then paused, "Because this is not going to be an ordinary Wrestlemania. You all know that this match will decide the fates of all of you. You all do NOT know what the match will be called. You are about to find that out."  
  
"All of you will be involved in a chair war. Steel chairs only. Even-" Steph started to explain.  
  
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE RISKING? You're risking my beautiful, rock-star head being bashed in! My lovely blondeness being destroyed and muddied by the cruelties of my foes! That can not happen!" Jerky yelled.  
  
"You'll just have to deal. I'm not concerned about it. It might actually do something for you. As for that bit about being muddied by your foes or whatever that garbage was that you just said…you probably deserve it more than anyone else here. Enjoy!" Steve said.  
  
"B-but…we are co-general managers. This can't happen without consulting me! What's wrong with you? I'm calling Lindaaaaaaaaaa!" Bitchy started screaming.  
  
"Kill him, for god's sake." Edge said.  
  
"Well then we WOULD have to talk to Linda, one way or another." Steph pointed out.  
  
"Shut the hell up, all of you. Bitch, stop being a goddamned lame ass and shut your mouth. Stephanie, continue if you please."  
  
"Quite right, Steve. Anyway, like I was saying…we are having a chair war. It will be kind of like a mix between a barroom brawl and a battle royale. Even the Divas will be involved. So, you guys get ready! We're leaving in a half hour." Steph explained calmly as Bitchy started to squeal again.  
  
"But, exactly how do we know who wins...?" Jade asked.  
  
"That is a very good question…Steve?" Steph asked.  
  
"Why that's easy. The match is timed. You have one hour to defeat the other brand. Whatever brand has the most people standing when that buzzer sounds wins and then Bitch-Beast here will explain what happens all over again." Steve said.  
  
"Is Brock excluded from the match?" Gail Kim stood up and asked.  
  
"Hell no, why would he be?" Steve exclaimed.  
  
"Well, he seems to have a personality disorder that only shows…when he gets hit over the head with some sort object." Gail said.  
  
"The more the merrier!" Steve said then start guzzling a beer and throwing others around. "Come on, finish breakfast so we can get going!"  
  
"Sheesh, the alcohol abuse that goes on around here!" Jade said watching beer fly in every direction.  
  
~*~ A Half Hour Later ~*~  
  
"Steve stop throwing your beer! Grab it and get in there!" Steph shouted above the ruckus of loading vans full of people and belongings (you wouldn't take a plane to go somewhere that is only two hours away!), "Kurt, do you have your teddy bear?"  
  
"Yes'm," Steve said as Kurt Angle shouted at Steph that he hadn't forgotten his teddy.  
  
"Good. Bitchy, are the fat Asses still locked in the Waterpark?" Steph called out again.  
  
"Vea sod ve!" responded a muffled voice.  
  
"You guys, get off him." Steph said exasperatedly to some of the wrestlers in the first van. They hopped out of the van and then a crumpled Bischoff fell out. "What was your answer?"  
  
"They should be!" Bitch repeated.  
  
"Oh. Right. That's good." She said.  
  
"Everyone, in the vans now!" Stone Cold shouted.  
  
~*~ Two Hours Later: Green Bay, WI. ~*~  
  
  
  
"Everyone has a half hour to check in and get back down here to these vans so we can get to the arena!" Steph commanded to the masses gathered around her outside the Best Western hotel.  
  
"Come on Rey, let's go." Jade said, picking up a large suitcase and heading towards the double glass doors bordered on both sides by ash tray/garbage cans.  
  
"Ok. Maybe the vending machines HERE have Doritos!" Rey said, following her with their ice chest and another suit case.  
  
"Yeah, we need some more Skittles, too. It's horrible how we have none left and if there aren't any here, we are making the vans all stop at a gas station!" Jeff said, as they turned left into a darkly lit corridor.  
  
"Kind of like you did every two miles on the way here?" Rey said with a laugh, but Jeff just stuck his tongue out at him and closed the door to their room, which was coincidentally once again next to Rey & Jade's.  
  
~*~  
  
"Now, Kane, you can stop whining, because we are finally here! In the Wisconsin Dells! Kane, where the hell is everybody…?" Undertaker questioned.  
  
"Well, that depends on what day it is."   
  
"I think it is Sunday. Or it should be."   
  
"They must be in Green Bay by now.  
  
"Oh, hell. Now we have to go THERE. Come on."  
  
"Hm…Right. Ok, I'm here."  
  
~*~ Half hour later ~*~  
  
"Whew, we made it, Kaney!" Undertaker said.  
  
"Yeah, just in time," Kane said as the vans full of Superstars pulled up and started unloading, people spilling everywhere. "And for future reference, do not call me that ever again."  
  
"Er…quite." 'Taker said, "You know you still don't have a mask on, right?"  
  
"Ahhh! No!" Kane said then abruptly dashed off, probably to another closet.  
  
"Oh dear." 'Taker said quietly to himself.  
  
"Hey there, glad to see you made it here, and right on schedule, too." Bitch said, coming up to him.  
  
"The hell you are." Undertaker responded.  
  
"Let's get inside!" Stephanie said to the masses once again. "We've got a lot left to do before the show. My dad should probably show up, too, but he probably won't. That's ok, though."  
  
"Get your candy Asses in there! Get in your locker rooms!" The Rock shouted in an attempt to help Steph.  
  
"You have to get in here, too, dumb shit!" Kurt shouted from inside the building. They were all shouting and excited, even though they had to beat the shit out of each other in just under an hour.  
  
"Steph, are we all getting our own entrances?" Edge asked.  
  
"Sure are, it'll take up more time!"   
  
"Can I go out first?"  
  
"Um, ok. I'll see if I can arrange that with the stage & sound crew." Steph said, then turned away from him and began shouting again. "Bischoff, get out of the damn van. I know you were on the bottom, but now you're the last one out here!"  
  
Inside, Stone Cold was issuing orders. "Start your warm-ups right now. We've got to be ready when it's time. People aren't paying to see this event for nothing. Actually, they have no idea what is going on, so they'll have to wait and see." Steve said with a laugh. "Stephanie, where are you? You have to go out there right away and explain what is going on to the audience."  
  
"Oh, all right." Steph said beating off a couple of guys who had come out of nowhere.  
  
"Ahhh! Tyson! I told you to burn in hell! Where is the Undertaker?" Jade said, recognizing one of Steph's terrorists.  
  
"Undertaker…DOI…Who is that? DOI… I'm a mental…DOI…I'm a…DOI…Did I mention…DOI…I am a mental ret- DOI…-ard…DOI" Tyson said staring dumbly up from his seat on the ground.  
  
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Ok, so I lied. That is not the end. The next chapter or two will be the end. Lol, sorry…Don't forget to review! 


	18. It's the end! Wow

AUTHOR'S MESSEGE: This is, regretfully, the final chapter of this story. This chapter is quite short and ends the story rather quickly. I hope you have enjoyed reading my work and I hope you will give me many reviews once you have finished reading this! I'd love to know what you all thought about the story! My next story will either be about a trip to Washington D.C., or another story that I had an idea for last week and it's a secret…well, Kaley knows about it. Lol. On to the story.  
  
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"Ow. DOI. Ow. DOI. Ow. DOI." Tyson said slowly every time Undertaker beat him upside the head.  
  
"Is that ass ever going to pass out or die or something?" Steph asked, watching from off to the side.  
  
"If you'll let me, I'll take him to hell right now!" 'Takers said; he was getting bored at a rapid pace.  
  
"Er…how long will it take?"  
  
"Five minutes there, ten to start him on fire, and five more to get back."   
  
"Fine, do it. Try to hurry so you're back in time for the PPV!"  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile, the other superstars were beginning to enter the ring, one at a time. Lillian was announcing the superstars who would not be appearing tonight…for various reasons.  
  
"Triple H," she began, but had to stop because of the loud roar of the crowd cheering, "Ric Flair, Steven Richards, Victoria, Jazz, Big Show, A-Train…" She stopped there because the cheering was so incredibly loud. The superstars continued to come out.  
  
Soon the entire Smackdown roster (except for those…missing…) were out and getting ready in the ring. The still-present RAW superstars then entered. This process took about a half hour.  
  
Next, Stone Cold and Stephanie wheeled out a giant rack of steel chairs. Bischoff then proceeded to throw one to each superstar, very carefully.  
  
As Steph took a seat at the Smackdown announcer's table next to Stone Cold and Bitch, she wondered aloud where the Undertaker was. She didn't have to wait much longer.  
  
"Holy shit! Undertaker just…appeared out of nowhere in the center of the ring!" Cole shouted as the bell rang and Steph breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
Most of the wrestlers began by just plain wrestling, all except Christian of course. He had found himself over by the steel steps banging his chair into the steps and laughing once it nailed him in the face. He finally fell over, but not before Rey jumped of the turnbuckle and smashed the chair one final time into his face.  
  
In one corner, all of the divas were fighting it out, so far with Gail Kim on top. Dawn Marie, Torrie, and Sable were in a heap along with Tajiri, Molly Holly, and Ivory.  
  
Undertaker was laying wrestlers flat outside the ring, even fellow Smackdown superstars including the FBI, The Bashams, and several others.  
  
With 15 minutes left of the hour, the last standing were Jeff, Kaley, Rey, Jade, Gail Kim, Undertaker, and the Hurricane. RVD was kneeling, over a fallen Layce.  
  
Then hell broke loose, as it usually does in the WWE. Kane's entrance ignited the arena and he ran out with two steel chairs. Immediately, he pasted Gail, Hurricane, Jade, and Rey. RVD was next laid flat then Undertaker jumped off the turnbuckle and nailed Kane on the head, sending him reeling, and crashing to the mat.  
  
Kaley and Jeff hit a con-chair-to on Undertaker, but he hardly budged. They beat on him simultaneously once again, bringing 'Taker to his knees. He then tried to beat back at them, but Jeff nailed him a good one across the back, just in time for the bell.  
  
"And the winners are…Jeff Hardy and Kaley Hansen, the representatives of the RAW brand!" Lillian shouted into the microphone.  
  
"Ahem *cough* Yes, so it seems-" Bitch began.  
  
"No, take a seat, you stupid sum bitch!" Stone Cold said, nailing him with a chair.  
  
"Congratulations, Jeff and Kaley. The rosters will now be recombined!" Stone Cold said happily.  
  
And so the story ends. Everyone who died or had something else happen to them in this story…running away with cows, for instance, have also been returned to the roster.  
  
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I hope you enjoyed the story. Don't forget to review or I'll stop writing stories :O Farewell for now! Early Happy b-day to Jeff Hardy, by the way! 


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